


Blame [Surgeon!Calum AU]

by outerspaceisbetterthannothing



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: F/M, Surgeon Calum Hood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-12-29 17:50:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 31,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18299156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outerspaceisbetterthannothing/pseuds/outerspaceisbetterthannothing
Summary: What do you do if the only person you feel the connection to is the person you blamed for your sibling's death?





	1. Chapter 1

What is the scariest thing in life?  
What an odd question! This awful world has enough to offer those who seek suffering. With all the wars, catastrophes, plane crashes, natural disasters, hate and misunderstanding. Could you really choose just one? This world was full of pretty damn scary stuff.  
That Annabelle knew for sure.  
Yesterday answering that question (if anyone would bother to ask her, of course) she would go in depths of all the bad things happening around, analysing for hours the role of lack of education, social stereotypes and international corporations in all the mess in the world. She would gladly explain how exactly the concept of murder travelled through centuries with the human race from the very first myths which eventually formed the modern culture. And how it’s nearly impossible to erase that concept from the society today. She would go on and point out how the humanity is wasting it’s time for late night shows and political debates instead of searching for the way of producing enough food for all the people or travelling into space. Damn, she would make the longest list ever of all the shit that was wrong with the world.  
But that was yesterday.  
Today she knew better.  
Today she knew that there is only one thing in this God awful world that is truly scary. Only one fucking thing you can’t change no matter how hard you try.  
Human feebleness.  
Because you can fight global warming, you can make meat in labs without killing animals for that, you can end wars and fight two-faced politicians and explore the highest highs and the lowest lows. But that didn’t really matter. Cause your life still could shatter in a second.  
A fucking second that will divide your life in two big parts. Before and after.  
And realizing how weak you were was not just scary. It was terrifying.  
Because you are just a tiny human. And you are powerless in the face of greater powers. Like death. Like loss. Like emptiness which settled in your chest and started to swallow everything like a giant black hole.  
And you could do nothing. Nothing at all.  
That Annabelle knew for sure. Cause she couldn’t bring back to life her little brother, who was born only two days ago and whom she saw only once through the glass doors to the NICU. She couldn’t bring him back to her devastated parents. Couldn’t make her mother stop crying. Couldn’t make her dad smile at her once again. Couldn’t bring back the happiness they were hoping for. The happiness that she first felt about a year ago.

_‘Are you, guys, like, serious?’_   
_Annabelle was sitting on a garden chair and looking at her smiling parent across the table._   
_It was a wonderful Saturday evening in the suburbs of New York, perfect for a lazy early dinner in a garden. Annabelle was planning to spend the night with her friends. But for now she was just enjoying some family time. She was to go back to college next week and that evening was close to the last opportunity to hang out with her parents. She was always quite a homey girl and couldn't think of a better place or a better company to spend this golden hour in. Everything around her was shaded with dark yellow, her favourite colour, filling world with magic and wonder and utter happiness._   
_‘Why is that so surprising?’ her mom’s smile grew bigger. ‘I know you don’t like the concept of your parents actually taking care of you, but oddly enough that’s exactly what parents are for,’ she teased._   
_Anabelle shook her head a little in a mild bewilderment._   
_‘It’s not about that at all!’ she slightly scrunched up her face. ‘I love when you guys take care of me. But don’t you think that renting me a flat in the city is slightly over the parental care limit?’_   
_Her mom, Jennifer, shrugged and looked at her father._   
_‘No, we don’t think that,’ he stated simply, mirroring his wife’s shrugging. ‘And you should take in consideration, that it’s not a fancy penthouse. Just a tiny one-bedroom apartment fifteen minutes from your school. Terrific view on the nearby grey blocks of flats from your windows, probably malfunctioning heating system and rude neighbours who won’t even try to remember your face.’_   
_‘What a bright prospect,’ Annabelle smirked to her father’s words._   
_Mark, still handsome man of forty with exactly enough amount of grey hair to make him even more handsome with age, winked at his daughter._   
_‘All the pleasures of living on your own.’_   
_‘If it’s so unwelcoming, then how is it taking care of me?’ asked soon-to-be a second year college student still struggling to understand where this all came from._   
_‘Honey, we know how much you hated living in dorms,’ sighed her mother. ‘We want you to be comfortable. And to enjoy your college years in all the possible ways which we with your father couldn’t.’_   
_‘Which doesn't mean that if you came home and said you are pregnant and dropping out, we would be disappointed or something,’ added her dad and bursted with laughter._   
_Annabelle forgot everything she was about to say and was just staring at her hysterically laughing dad. Until she found herself laughing just as hard as he did. That wasn't funny on so many levels, but in their family it’s been a joking topic for as long as Anna could remember. Her mom got pregnant at 19. Her dad was a year older. And even though they'd been together for more than three years by that time, neither of them was ready to be a parent. Despite that, with the help of all of Annabelle’s grandparents they decided to keep the baby. And Jennifer was always saying that was the best decision in her life._   
_‘That was the most awful moment for that joke ever!’ stated Annabelle after she had calmed. ‘And I didn’t, like, hated the dorms. It wasn’t the best experience, yeah, but…’_   
_‘No buts, Anna. We already did it and there is no point in arguing about it. Give her the keys,’ Jennifer rushed her husband. She was always headstrong when it came to things she believed in. That’s where Anabelle got it from._   
_‘And I do enjoy college, more than you think,’ mumbled Anna, watching cautiously as her father fished the keys out of his pocket and handed to her._   
_‘We know, darling,’ assured her Jennifer. ‘But we want you to be happy in every possible way. And I’m pretty sure your happiness doesn’t live in the college dorms.’_   
_‘Yeah?’ the mischievous grin carved Anna’s lips, making her look so much more like her father. ‘Then where does my happiness live?’_   
_Her mother laughed and shrugged again, more nonchalantly this time._   
_‘Who knows? Maybe in some shitty block of flats in a centre of New York. Or maybe not.’_   
_‘I guess I'll need to check it then. Thank you, guys. You are terrific!’ Annabelle smiled from ear to ear and dropped the keys to her new apartment into the back pocket of her high waisted shorts._   
_‘You don’t say about terrific,’ hummed her dad under his breath but not quiet enough for Anna not to hear it._   
_She frowned and turned her eyes back to her parents._   
_‘What do you mean?’_   
_Her mom sighed, more heavily this time, looking somewhat worried. And dad was too occupied by his own fingers to look at Annabelle._   
_‘Well, there is one more crazy news. Even crazier than your new apartment.’_   
_‘Mom, you are scaring me,’ practically whispered Anna, already overthinking everything._   
_‘No no no, there’s nothing to worry about! Well, I hope, there isn’t,’ Jennifer added awkwardly._   
_‘For the love of God, woman! Can you already drop it?’ Mark let out a growl and rolled his eyes. ‘And they say men can’t speak coherently. Annabelle, honey, we with your mom decided to have another baby.’_   
_Anna breathed out, but somehow forgot to breathe in again after her father’s words. Because of all possible crazy news that one was the least expected if not say more. She found herself unable to produce any answer, any at all. Even simple ‘wow’ seemed too inappropriate for the occasion. The next she new was her coughing hard, lungs aching for air._   
_Her parents watched her cough with caution, dad handing her a glass of water._   
_‘Sorry,’ mumbled Anna the moment she could breathe again. ‘It's just… completely unexpected.’_   
_‘Yeah, but like…’ her mother was just as hesitant. ‘Good unexpected or bad unexpected?’_   
_‘I guess, just unexpected?’ Anna frowned, trying to find some better words, but she was completely at a loss here. ‘But definitely not bad. I mean, how can babies be bad news? Right?’_   
_And then she saw that. Behind the worries about her reaction and fear to believe this reaction isn't going to be bad, there was a happiness in her mother's eyes. Absolute happiness._   
_‘You think?’ asked Jennifer still giving Annabelle a chance to be honest, whatever that honesty could mean._   
_‘Of course, mom!’ and Anna laughed looking at the two most important people in her life. ‘I'm gonna be a big sister! Terrific!’_   
_‘Don't you think it's silly? After all these years?’_   
_Anna stretched her hand and squeezed her mother's in reassurance._   
_‘Not at all. As I said it's quite unexpected and I definitely couldn't see it coming. But if that's what you want, then you should do it.’_   
_‘I guess we just missed you so much after you had left for college,’ her dad smiled his special tender smile that only ever his family has seen. ‘We've never even had time to think about having another baby with you occupying our minds, and hearts, and time. And we loved each moment of it, don't get me wrong here. But now we just… We just…’ he was obviously lost for words, but somehow Annabelle felt like she completely understood what he was trying to say._   
_She stretched out her right hand and squeezed her dad’s hands. And smiled, happily and openly. And she felt it. Sitting in a garden she knew so well, holding hands of both her parents, she felt that happiness, guessing if she'll ever feel more blissful in her life than that very moment._

Her hands were shaking.  
Not because of tears, those stopped hours ago. She cried in secret from her mother since the moment they've learned about her brother's condition. And now Annabelle felt like she had no more tears inside of her.  
The skin of her palms was pinned with the phantom feeling of her parents hands in hers. She could swear she was still feeling that touch. And the warmth of a slowly setting sun on her shoulders. God, sometimes she thought she loved nothing more than the feeling of sun on her shoulders. And the smell of mint her mom was growing in the garden. And all the little things from that evening she kept in her memory so carefully. She was still feeling it all. Her hands were shaking from the feeling but she couldn't get rid of it.  
Just like she couldn't magically forget the excitement with which her mom was sharing her big news. And long evening phone calls they shared, talking about all the insignificant stuff just to share the serenity of the knowledge of this new life growing inside her mom. And the happiest Christmas they've ever had, fighting each other over the baby names and her secretly making up lists of all the books, films, music, art, places and feelings to share with her brother as soon as he grows a little bigger. And the hot summer days she spent in the future nursery, painting the walls with the pictures of cutest baby animals.  
Annabelle hid her face in her hands. What are they going to do with the nursery now? Her mom just won't take it. If what's already happened wasn't somehow enough to break her mother, the nursery Annabelle and her dad decorated secretly, while Jennifer stayed in the city to be closer to the hospitals, definitely going to finish her mom for good.  
Annabelle tried to calm herself. She’ll think about that later. They will think about it later, no need to decide right now. She remember what her grandmother told her. One thing at a time, that’s the only way to make it through the days like this. Her grandmother knew what she was talking about, as she lost her oldest son, Anna’s uncle, in a car crash five years ago. But how could you possibly go with one thing at a time when your mind is literally out of your control rushing around with million little thoughts?  
Annabelle sighed and decided to come back to her mother’s room. Spending the rest of her life hiding in hospital corridors wasn’t an option. Unfortunately. She was already about to stand up and put all her effort into finding the way back through the maze of the hospital it was, when her phone started vibrating in her pocket. She took it and without sparing it another glance to check who was calling, switched the damn device off. She didn’t need to look to know who was calling. It was Allie. Or Jo. Or Bryan. Definitely wasn’t Max. Max was family, and all the family was informed. It was some of her friends, doesn’t even matter who exactly. They wanted updates, was worrying, but Anna couldn’t care less. She wasn’t ready to talk to them. Talking to them would include saying it out loud. And she sure as hell wasn’t ready to say it. Like if saying it somehow would make it more real. Like it can get any more fucking real. She could comprehend the reality of everything happening, no doubts about it. She was still sane. But still prayed to God she never believed in to wake up in her cold apartment and realize it all was just a dream. But it wasn’t. So she just put her phone back and wandered back to her mother’s room. Pictures of that evening still rushing through her mind.

 _‘They wanna what?’ Bryan almost choked on his beer, astonishment bright in his eyes._  
_It’s been several hours since her parents told her about the plans for having another baby. She was in her favourite bar, spending one of the last summer Saturday nights with her long-term boyfriend Bryan, her only boy cousin Max, her best friend for years Allie and her another best friend Jo._  
_‘Yeah, can you imagine?’Annabelle giggled, seeing utter surprise on her friend’s faces._  
_Girls were looking so amusing with their half unsure half surprised smiles._  
_‘But aren’t they kinda...old?’ mumbled Bryan drawing all the attention to himself with those words. Anna couldn’t answer anything to that, left to just stare at her boyfriend in disbelief. Has he really said what he’s just said?_  
_Thankfully, Jo was never slow with her reactions or lost for words. That was one of the many traits Annabelle admired in her friend and secretly wished to have._  
_‘Aren’t you a high class douchebag, Bryan!’ hissed Jo. ‘Belle’s mom is 38! People are having their first children at that age sometimes.’_  
_Jo was always referring to her friend by the second part of her name. That became a habit since their first meeting. Anna, always being interested in art, got involved in some modeling at high school, which wasn’t difficult with her skinny complection, and Jo, being couple years older, happened to be one of the first photographers to work with. Ten minutes into their first conversation Jo stated straight out that Belle was the perfect name for Anna with ‘the face like this, honey’. Jo liked quoting rock songs Anna has never even heard about. And even though they had almost nothing in common when it came to preferences, music was always a great deal to discuss for them._  
_‘I just tend to forget that Anna’s parents are so young, not like it’s common. And you don’t have to be such a bitch, you know,’ said Bryan clearly offended by Jo’s reaction._  
_‘I don’t,’ the photographer agreed. ‘But what’s the fun then?’_  
_Jo laughed loudly at her own words, easily shading little chuckle that Max let out. Anna’s been well-aware that her cousin, whom she always treated more like a brother, was never fond of Bryan. But he’s also never let himself say anything on the matter to her or anybody else, and Annabelle was thankful for that._  
_‘Leaving all the insignificant biological details, how do you feel about that?’ Allie cut in, preventing any kind of a rowing between Jo and Bryan, who have never found it necessary to hide their mutual dislike._  
_At this question Annabelle sighed and tried to hide her uneasiness behind a smile. Which obviously didn’t fool her friends._  
_‘I honestly don’t know.’ she admitted. ‘I do know that’s a great idea. And i will be beyond happy to have a little brother or sister. But I really don’t know how to feel. It’s just so new and unexpected. And I’m just...lost, maybe. I guess I just need a little more time to process it,’ she shrugged._  
_‘It’s okay to be unsure,’ Max nodded, warm smile on his face. ‘It’s a huge decision on their part. And huge change to your life.’_  
_‘But I still think it’s going to be really great new experience for them,’ Anna added, nodding to Max in silent thank you._  
_‘How so?’ Bryan frowned again. ‘They’ve been parents already, you know,’ he added, jokingly pushing her shoulder._  
_‘Well, I’ve always thought that having me so early in their lives they’ve never really had an opportunity to enjoy it fully,’ Annabelle shrugged. She wasn’t ready to talk about that, to reveal one of the greatest fears she had, that she ruined her parents’ lives at some point. But then it just flowed out of her and she was okay with confiding in her closest friends. ‘When mom got pregnant they were just so worried because of the decision they had to make, and their parents reactions, and all the obstacles. Mom literally couldn’t spare a moment to just enjoy the anticipation. And then they had to figure their future life out somehow. Dad got a job, and with studying it was taking almost all his time. He had to bother with ways to care for his family, to make enough money. Then he started his company and at some point it got even more difficult. And mom had to finish her education later. And they just… I know they love me more than anything in the world. But if they have a child now, they’ll have a chance to really enjoy it without bothering themselves with anything else. And I think it’s great. Well, yeah.’_  
_She shrugged, finishing her little monologue awkwardly._  
_Allie raised her glass at that._  
_‘A toast! For Annabelle, the most conscious daughter and the most badass future big sister!’_

Clinking of their glasses was still echoing through her mind when Annabelle walked down the big but almost empty at this hour hall between two big parts of the hospital. She knew that hall pretty well by now. One of the corridors on the right led to the ORs, NICU, trauma and other places like that. Corridor on the left, where she was headed, led to the clinic and several floors of patients rooms. The hall was dimly lit due to the night time, and only couple of nurses were checking some charts next to the reception desk in the far corner.  
And then it happened.  
The door to her right opened with a beep of a code lock and he walked right in front of her. Still in his scrubs, hat in his hand. There was another man right behind him.  
Annabelle stopped, and that very moment he saw her. And stopped too. The guy walking behind him even bumped in his back taken completely by surprise. He and Annabelle were just standing there staring at each other, not more than three metres between them. Not trying to walk away or walk closer or even say something. Not a sound, not a gesture. Only sights.  
Annabelle didn’t notice when she started crying again. She thought she couldn’t possibly cry any more, but her cheeks got wet once again. She was crying, but she sure as hell wasn’t sad. There was no more place for sadness in her, all her body occupied by a much brighter flame. Hatred. She thought she didn’t know how to hate, never having a chance to taste the feeling. But that very moment she found out that hating wasn’t that hard. It just took the right person.  
And there he was. Doctor Calum fucking Hood, the one and only. Surgeon who couldn’t save her brother. Person responsible for her family grief. He was right there, in front of her. And Annabelle couldn’t keep it inside anymore.  
‘How could you?’ she almost shouted, storming right into him.  
His eyebrows raised in surprise, but he got a grip of his face the moment later.  
‘Anna, I’m…’  
‘How could you let him die?’ she didn’t give him a chance to finish. She didn’t care what he was about to say. Like there was anything in the world for him to say to make it somehow better. ‘You should have saved him! You should have saved my brother! Promised to do everything for that! How is that he’s dead? Why didn’t you save him?’  
‘Miss, I’m very sorry for your…’ a man next to him started speaking, but Doctor Hood shut him with a mere gesture.  
‘Anna, I…’ he tried to start again, but she cut him one more time.  
‘You what, doc? Did everything you could? Are you seriously saying that to my face? My brother is dead because of you! It’s all your fault!’  
He didn’t try to say anything more, jast shook his head a little, still staring at her. And that moment it stuck her. Annabelle said it out loud and somehow it finally got real.  
Quiet sobs rushed out of her.  
‘My brother is dead. He’s dead. He’s dead and it’s you fucking fault.’  
She was repeating it like an insane mantra not bothering to hold back her whimpering. And then he just did it. He took one more step and enveloped her shoulders keeping her as close to him as he could. She tried to push him back, tried to get out of his arms, at some point started hitting his chest with her weak hands, but he kept holding her close, letting her cry out all the anger she had inside. She didn’t quite know how long they’d stood like that. Could be a minute or years, there was no longer a difference for Annabelle. Her last sob left her, she took a deep breath and pushed doctor Hood one more time. This time he weakened his grip on her shoulders and let her take a step back.  
‘Why didn’t you say anything?’ Annabelle asked, wiping her eyes. The question came even more sudden for her than for him. ‘Why didn’t you say that I was wrong? Why didn’t you defend yourself?’  
‘Because you are not wrong,’ he said after a moment of silence. ‘It is my fault. And I will always be sorry.’  
He nodded, gave her one more concerned look, deep frown between his eyebrows. And then he was gone, leaving Annabelle in a middle of an empty hall with the black hole in her chest.


	2. Chapter 2

Calum turned the tap and looked in the mirror. His eyes were a little puffy due to the lack of sleep, long-night shifts having their effect. But nothing that next couple days off won’t cure. He learned to cope with little hardships of his job years ago, it was quite essential to actually stay in the profession. But with others, bigger ones Calum was still struggling. 

He inhaled deeply, staring at his own reflection. Drops of water were falling down from his chin, stubble showing a little. He was looking at himself, but his thoughts were far away. 

Would she sit on the same bench today?

The sound of little paws on the cold bathroom tile drew Calum’s attention. He took a towel, wiped his face and met a questioning look of his small dog.

“‘Sup, bub?” he asked his pet, Duke. Dog didn’t answer, instead he came closer and put his head right on the Calum’s foot. “Come on, buddy. Breakfast will make it all better”.

The TV in the living room was set on one of the news channels, but muted. Calum always watched news like that, preferring to read the captions. He couldn’t really explain why, but the voices of all those news presenters made him uneasy. 

He was moving around his apartment almost mechanically. Spent less than five minutes preparing an omelette, left some dog food for Duke, went back to bedroom to get dressed while his omelette was cooling down. Watch, cell phone, wallet and keys on the table next to the door. Backpack with his laptop, some papers and clothes near. Went back to the kitchen, mindlessly staring at the TV screen. Financial problems in Europe, terrorist attacks, almost found cure from cancer. News like that made Calum angry. Why to make news out of it at all? “We’re one step closer”. Being one step closer won’t save lives. And hope… Calum knew how dangerous can hope be. He looked over the further corner of his spacious living room where his desk stood. Big notice board above full of pictures of newborns. Sometimes Calum wondered if hope broke more hearts than the lack of it. 

He turned the TV off, patted Duke, picked up all his stuff and left. 

The walk to the hospital was usually short and easy. But not today. Anticipation and guilt was growing inside Calum with every other step he made. He could have sworn his feet were moving slower, and at some point he found himself at a corner coffee shop waiting patiently in a long line. He didn’t even want coffee. What was going on with him?

But no matter how hard his subconscious was delaying his arrival, ten minutes later he turned around the corner and entered little square in front of the hospital. He looked around.

She was there. Third bench on the left from the main entrance. She was sitting there, looking at people entering and leaving the building. Morning sun was playing in her long wavy hair, wind moving them lightly. Calum couldn’t see her face from where he stood, but he knew exactly the look on it. She’s sat on the very same bench third morning in a row. Two days ago, right after she’d made a scene in a central lobby first blaming him for the death of her brother and then crying her heart out into his scrubs, Calum tried to catch her sight, to somehow acknowledge her presence. Even if he was the last person she wanted that kind of attention from. But he couldn’t. She wasn’t actually looking at anyone. She was just staring into space. Callum’s been watching her for three days only, but he already could tell her routine. She would spend on that bench for about twenty minutes more. Then she’d stand up, straighten invisible folds on her clothes, take a very deep breath and come to her mother’s room. And she’d spend there practically all day. And the next morning it would all repeat. 

Calum inhaled sharply, glanced at his watch. There was no chance she would finish her little ritual earlier. And he couldn’t wait like that on the street. He knew she wouldn’t recognize him, being too deep in her own thoughts. But he still didn’t want to just go past her, like a complete stranger, it felt so wrong. And Calum had no idea how to make it right. Like anything could be right between the two of them now. He felt his grip on the coffee cup tighten as he walked towards the entrance, moving sharply, with no second thoughts, like diving in the cold water. 

The moment he entered the busy as ever hospital lobby Calum felt the tightness in his chest ease a little. He nodded couple of doctors moving past him and hurried to the locker room. He had a long shift in front of him, but couldn’t get rid of the image of a sad golden haired girl on the bench. He changed in his scrubs, picked up his laptop and left the room.

“Looking strange,” Ashton spared him slightly worried look. Calum only shrugged, sitting next to his best friend at the table in the on-call room. “Coffee?”

“No, I have one,” said Calum, waiting till his computer download some files from their shared cloud. Then he felt Ashton’s look move slowly around the table and after that settle somewhere around Calum’s temple.

“What?” Calum looked back at him.

“And where is it?” judging by trembling corners of his lips, Ashton found it very difficult not to laugh to his friends face.

Calum looked at the table and cursed.

“Left it in the locker room, I guess. Nevermind.”

Ashton finally suppressed his laughter and frowned. 

“Are you sure you’re OK?”

“Of course, I am,” Cal mirrored his friend’s frown. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know, you’re never so distracted.”

Calum shrugged, ran his hands over his face and suddenly uttered. “She’s sitting on a bench every morning. Like she needs to prepare herself before coming into the hospital.”

“Alrighty,” with every word Calum said Ashton was becoming more and more confused. “First of all, who’s she?”

Calum sighed and shook his head. “Know what? Doesn’t matter. You’ll say I’m going crazy.”

“I’ll say that regardless of what you tell me next. C’mon, spill the beans.”

“I lost a patient three days ago,” explained Calum after a moment of hesitation.

Ashton nodded. “And then some hot but very upset chick tried to make a punching bag out of you.”

“Well, that hot but very upset chick, whose name is Anna, by the way, is sitting on a bench every morning. For about half an hour. Just sitting there on a bench staring into space. And it’s just… I don’t know, man.”

Ashton put his hand on Calum’s shoulder and squeezed. “Dude, she’s grieving.”

“I know.”

“Don’t tell me you feel guilty!” Ash gasped. Calum only shrugged to that. “Cal, it’s not your fault! You’re a neonatal surgeon for fuck’s sake! And it wasn’t your first time to lose a patient in the OR. You know the mortality rates better than me. Sometimes we can’t do anything no matter how hard we try or want.”

“I know that too, Ash. And it’s not like I feel particularly guilty in the boy’s death. I’m sure I’ve done everything I could. It’s just… Strange, but it just feels so intense this time.”

“I guess that’s exactly the moment for me to say you’re going crazy.”

Calum chuckled. “Probably.”

He shook his head again looking out of the window to the inner court. “Don’t you ever think that maybe Mike was right when he left the program?” he asked in a low voice.

“Okay, baby boy, you remember our deal?”

“Oh, good God, don’t!” Calum rolled his eyes. But he knew that nothing could stop Ashton from finishing.

“What’s our first priority?” Ashton shook his head, smirking. 

“Patients,” responded Calum, giving in.

“What’s our second priority?”

“Our research.”

“Exactly! And what’s our third priority?” continued Ashton with a wide grin.

“Do you understand, how embarrassing this is? We were absolutely hammered the night we made that pact!”

“Our third priority is booze and chicks and fun!” finished Ashton.

“Hate the word  _ chick _ ,” noted Cal looking grumpy as ever. “We’re grown up men, can’t we use some grown up language?”

“Have no idea what you’re mumbling there, but I have a perfect plan.”

“Can’t wait to hear.” 

To that Ash couldn’t hold anymore and snorted.

“So, here’s the plan. We’re spending this wonderful morning working our asses out on this research, which, let me remind you, has an aim to actually help to lower the mortality rate in an NICU. Then we work even harder on our shifts to save precious babies’ lives. And tomorrow evening, after a much deserved sleep, we party. You need a good type of distraction.”

“Why do I hear  _ one-night stand _ when you say  _ distraction _ ?” 

“Cause you’re a smart boy.” Ashton laughed. “And anyway, what’s so bad about a one-night stand?”

Calum shrugged. “Nothing, I guess. So, look here, the Lab sent me some results last night, and there are a lot to see there.”

***

Annabelle didn’t risk to knock. She knew her Mom usually slept after the early morning check ups and didn’t want to wake her up. The room was dark, blinds and curtains down. Her Mom was sleeping just like she expected and Dad was scrolling through his phone on a little couch next to the window. 

Anna carefully closed the door behind her and tiptoed to her dad. He stretched out his right hand and let his daughter snuggle into him. He squeezed her shoulders and left a light kiss at the crown of her hair. 

“What doctors said?” Anna asked in whisper.

Her dad switched off his phone and looked at his wife’s silhouette on a bed in front of them. A light blue blanket one of Anna’s grandmas brought before the labor covered her. Anna felt muscles in her Dad’s arm tighten, making her feel guilty for bringing up the topic. She knew it wasn’t any easier for him either. She and Jennifer had an opportunity to cry everything out, let emotions flow not worrying what people will think or say. Being women they were only expected of that. But he, from the very first years of his adulthood playing out the role of the family leader and protector, couldn’t let his emotions show. Anna inhaled deeply, the thought of all those stupid social stereotypes running in her mind. Why in the name of God couldn’t her Dad mourne over the loss of his son? But she knew these were the boundaries he made for himself and she wouldn’t be able to persuade him to change it. Not until he was ready. 

“She’s doing well,” her Dad’s raspy voice broke into her thoughts. “They want to monitor her for another day though, but that’s more like a precaution, not really necessary.”

“The labor was difficult,” Anna reminded him gently. “Probably, it’s more necessary than we think.”

“Anyway, if nothing much changes, they should discharge her tomorrow.”

“Good,” Anna murmured and snuggled a little deeper into his side.

They sat like that for some time, Annabelle closed her eyes letting her Dad’s familiar scent envelope her. She felt usual for these days tension leave her a bit. The serenity of the moment brought up long forgotten sensation. Not long ago she had spent Sunday mornings in the very same position. Not every Sunday, rarer than once a month, if she hadn’t had any school stuff, tutoring, competitions or anything else, and her Dad had been suddenly free from all his work duties. But when such happy free Sundays had happened, she used to climb onto her parent’s bed, while her Mom had been wondering around the house, and fall into Mark’s embrace. They’d cuddled for an hour, not less. They could talk or just lay like that almost falling asleep again. She would hide her face in the crook of his neck, his breath slightly tickling her neck, and literally forget the world. All the little problems, like a fight with her bff or bad project mark or bad words that awful boy Bryan said her at the playground, everything disappeared at that moments. She’d been doing it till she left for college and never felt even a tiniest hint of discomfort. In the darkest day of her high school when she’d felt like a shit (like any other teenager had) nothing had felt more comfortable or right than her father’s arms. Anna didn’t quite know if there was anything she missed living alone now more than those moment of comfort her Dad provided. And sitting like that now she felt herself on a verge of crying. But not because of the understanding how nothing changed between her and her Dad. And not because of everything that happened to her family.

Not all the worries left her this time. One thing was still lingering around making her weak in knees and nauseous. She saw again the same image of a tall man in his surgeon scrubs staying in front of her and letting her curse him for all the pain she suffered. Third day in a row she couldn’t shake him out from under her skin. She saw him every morning while sitting in front of the main entrance trying to prepare for the day. The first morning right after her awful tantrum he noticed her and tried to draw her attention. But she pretended not to see him, not to see anybody. She was too embarrassed, ashamed even of herself to meet his eyes for so much as a polite nod. She didn’t quite understand how could she act so awfully towards the man who, she knew it, did everything he could to save her newborn brother. And she didn’t know how to live now with the fact that she actually did behave so awfully towards him. She didn’t find enough strength to forget about it and she knew she didn’t deserve to forgive herself. Which only left her to play that horrible scene in her memory on repeat and feel all the shame and disgust. And there was a time when she considered herself a good person. 

“How have you been, honey?” her Dad’s words interrupted her thoughts abruptly. 

Annabelle switched a little to be able to look at him, frown on her face. 

“I-...I’m fine, Dad. As much as I can be fine at least,” she shrugged, looking back at her mother on the bed. 

“I get it, just…” Mark sighed heavily. “I have this feeling, like there’s something else bothering you apart from our… situation.”

She looked back at her father with wide eyes completely taken aback by his words. How could she forget? Nobody knew her better than her parents. And she could never trick them. 

But she had to now, for all of their sakes. So she smiled faintly and shook her head and hid her face in the crook of his neck, just like when she was five. “Nothing like this, Daddy. Nothing’s bothering me.”

_ Except of the fact that I’m the most horrible person ever.  _

***

Anna glanced at her phone, lit up with instagram notifications. Thirteen minutes. That’s how long she’s spent on that bench already. She concentrated on her breathing again, trying to inhale and exhale evenly. It was almost a meditation for her these days. But she needed it almost more than anything. She needed this moment for herself only to prepare for whatever that day could bring. 

But today the Universe decided that thirteen minutes were more than enough for her.

A man settled down next to her and Anna inaudibly gasped at the sound of his voice.

“So, I’ve got here espresso, cappuccino, americano, double americano, latte, caramel macchiato, iced coffee, some shit named frappuccino and green tea,” doctor Hood listed, looking carefully through the Starbucks cups on his lap before turning to her. “What do you prefer?”

Anna froze on her spot moving her gaze from the man to the coffee cups and back. He was looking at her expectantly, a shadow of a smile on his puffy lips. 

“Why is green tea on the list?” Anna finally spoke and cursed herself the moment words left her mouth. Was it so important?

“In case you’re not a coffee person,” doctor Hood explained. 

“Do you expect me to drink all of it?” 

Anna bit her cheek. What is it with her asking the most stupid questions today?

“Only if you want it. Although I admit it would come as a surprise if you did.” His smile got more prominent. 

“What if I take only one? What happens to all other coffees?”

He looked back down on the coffee cups, like he didn’t actually thought about that before she asked. Which, to be honest, he didn’t. He just came into the coffee shop and asked the barista for a set of the most popular coffee orders plus green tea. Buying coffee for her was totally spontaneous and Calum didn’t bother with producing any plan for what happens next. He frowned.

“I’ll probably leave them on the table in our on-call room. There’s never too much caffeine for surgeons on shift.” 

“So what do you prefer then?” Annabelle continued bombarding him with any questions which popped up in her overactive mind not taking in consideration if they were not connected, ridiculous or just inconvenient.

“Er, to be honest, just coffee. Americano, I guess.”

“So why’d you do it?”

Doctor Hood sighed. All signs of smile on his face gone. That was a shame, Anna thought. She remembered he had a pretty smile. 

“I don’t know, Anna,” he admitted. “You just sit here every morning, and I guess I thought that you could use some coffee.”

“Is it some strange way to apologize?”

Doctor Hood looked up at her again and Anna startled at the sudden change of his mood. He looked at her now with some resentment in his eyes.

“No, it’s not.”

“What happens if I don’t take any?” she asked feeling anger rising up inside her just like the night her brother died.

“There will be one more cup on the table in the on-call room.”

“Okay then,” she’d dropped before she stood up and walked to the hospital doors.

“Do you always ask so many questions before rejecting a friendly gesture?” she heard him ask behind her back, but no attempt to answer was made. 

Anna couldn’t even look at him any longer. She was amazed by her own hypocrisy. She was blaming herself for being rude and unfair to him. But the moment she could actually make it all right, apologize, show that she wasn’t such a horrible person, she thought of nothing better than to be rude to him again. What was she trying to do? Make him hate her as much as she hated him four days ago? Was it some twisted revenge she thought she deserved for offending him at the first place?

Anna shook her head leaning on the elevator wall going up to the higher floors of the hospital building. She felt like she was watching a film with an extremely dumb girl as a main character. She was constantly amazed by the heroine’s actions but wasn’t able to change a thing. She hated that she couldn’t control her own actions. But never experiencing anything like that before she didn’t know how to change it. 

Deep in her thoughts she entered her mother’s room only to meet another surprise that day had for her.

Allie and Jo were sat on her Mom’s bed on opposite sides, surrounded by all imaginable sorts of chocolates which her mother was a big fan of. They were chatting, Jennifer smiling lightly to some nonsensical story Jo was telling. 

“Chocolate invasion?” Annabelle asked forcing a smile and looking around the room. Her Dad was absent, which left her wondering if everything was alright. Mark didn’t leave his wife hospital room for long. 

“More of a chocolate intervention,” Allie smiled at her. Her arm snaked around Anna’s waist, pulling her in a tight hug. Anna looked at Jo over Allie’s head and nodded.

“Good news!” Jennifer exclaimed, looking almost happily at her daughter. Almost, but not happily. “We’ll be able to go home after lunch. I’m all cleared.”

“That’s really great.” 

Anna tried to sound more excited, but the moment she thought about her parents going back home she felt her blood freeze in her veins. Nursery. They didn’t do anything to the nursery.

“That’s an understatement. You weren’t the one to live on the hospital food in a hospital gown,” Jennifer sighed dramatically which made all three girls snort.

“Are you going back to the house? Or linger couple days more in the city?” Anna asked, still thinking about newly decorated room.

“Of course, house, sweetheart. I’ve kept you farther away from home for long enough.”

Anna looked back at the door. “Where is he, by the way?” 

“Went to talk to my doctor. About a diet, or physical restrictions, or God knows what exactly,” Jennifer waved her hand absentmindedly and took another chocolate. “Want some?”

Annabelle focused on a sweet in her mother’s hands.

“Are you even allowed?” she scowled.

“It’s chocolate, Anna, not tequila.”

“I told you we should have bought some booze,” Jo told Allie in a stage whisper.

Anna looked at her friend in disbelief, while her mother giggled with her mouth full of chocolate.

“I’ll go find Dad,” she said stepping away from Allie, feeling unsettling cold where her friends arm was a moment before. “Want to talk to him about something.”

She felt questioning looks on her back and heard her mother’s “Don’t even know who’s more worried about me, Annabelle or Mark” before she finally closed the door behind her. 

Anna breathed out loudly and turned right to try to find her father in maybe one of the meeting rooms, or wherever else he was talking to her Mom’s doctor. And that very moment she saw doctor Hood. He was standing at the nurses station, looking through somebody’s chart and smiling to whatever a pretty red haired nurse next to him was saying. 

Annabelle turned around and hurried down the corridor to the restrooms. She rushed inside, cold steel of the door burning her palms a bit, and relaxed a little. She stepped to the sinks, opened the water and put her hands into it, letting the water wash away her anxiety. She just stood there, didn’t even know for how long, let everything inside go down the pipes. Without questioning herself and doubting. Just stood there. 

When she went out of the restroom she noticed Allie and Jo standing next to her mother’s room and looking around the corridor. Jo noticed her first and raised both hands in glee. 

“Belle!” she exclaimed louder than it was probably appropriate in the hospital and got her fair share of Allie’s scolding for that.

Anna approached her friends and smiled tiredly. 

“Your Dad just came back,” Allie explained while Jo hugged Belle from behind and rested her head on Anna’s shoulder. 

“Yeah, I guess we missed each other,” Anna lied. “This place is a real maze.”

Allie mirrored her smile. “Are you going with your parents to Randall?”

Anna shook her head. “I’ll stay in the city for now. School starts next week, I need to run some errands, buy books for new courses. I’m going home at the weekend anyway, so…”

“Why does some hottie of a doctor keep staring at you?” asked Jo nonchalantly after a short pause.

Anna fixed her eyes towards the nurses station and of course he stood right there, talking to some other doctor this time. She stared right at him and like he felt it, couple moments after he looked at her, same smirk at his lips. He nodded her and moved his attention back to the doctor he was talking to.

“That’s doctor Hood,” Anna told with a sigh. “He is… Well, he was Grayson’s surgeon.”

Jo straightened up and moved a little to see Anna’s face. “Belle, I’m so sorry!” she whispered.

“That’s fine, don’t even… It’s all fine.” 

“You named him Grayson?” Allie asked with a little frown. 

Anna only hummed in confirmation. They stood there for some time not sure what to say or whether to say anything at all. Then Anna gave in and hugged girls as tightly as she could.

“Thank you for coming. That means a lot.”

“You crazy?” Jo gasped. “Where else could we be?”

“Yeah, but still.” Anna snorted at Jo’s reaction. 

“Thank us one more time and you’ll catch these hands,” Jo warned her. Allie murmured something in agreement. 

“I love you guys,” Anna exhaled and pulled them into a hug again.

“Call us if you need company,” asked her Allie. “Or if you need anything else.”

“Or if you don’t need anything at all,” Jo added.

“Yeah, just give us a call.”

With that they bid goodbye and Anna disappeared behind the door while girls waddled towards the elevators. Jo kept her eyes on the said doctor while clinging to Allie’s arm.

“Jo, stop,” Allie huffed, her stare not leaving her phone’s screen. 

“What?” Jo gasped in fake shock.

“You’re staring. It’s rude.”

“Can you blame me?” whined a photographer. “Just look at him!”

“I did.”

“He’s unbelievably hot! Like, he’s probably the hottest man alive!” 

Allie put her phone away seriously concerned if her friend was weak in knees enough to start tripping over.

“How can you not stare at him?” Jo continued moaning. “Those shoulders, uh. His whole body is screaming for loving on it! What a waste!”

“Do you understand that your best friend’s little brother actually died in his OR?”

“Yeah, well as tragic as it is, that’s not what’s stopping me from jumping his bones this very moment,” admitted Jo as the sound of the elevator coming clinked. 

Allie snorted. “Then what, pray, is stopping you?”

They entered an empty elevator, when Jo finally looked at Allie saying “The mere fact that he has heart eyes for our little Belle.”

Allie gasped, and then like she couldn’t resist she spared him a last glance through the closing doors only to see that he was watching them with Jo warily.

“That doesn’t really matter, does it? What if he’s an asshole?”

“He can’t be worse than that asshole Belle’s already dating.” 

“Exactly, Jo, she’s already dating a guy,” Allie groaned knowing perfectly well where this was going.

“So you don’t deny that Bryan is an asshole?” Jo continued, unimpressed by Allie’s reaction.

“I’m not having this talk. Do you need a ride or what?”

***

“Cremation, huh?” Annabelle wasn’t sure if she was surprised with that decision. More likely she hadn’t spare a thought to the topic of funeral at all, so her Dad’s words did come as a surprise.

They were in the hospital parking lot, loading her dad’s SUV with all the stuff they brought for her mother’s comfort in this short period.

“Yeah, your Mom said she doesn’t want a place she could drag herself to and mourne.”

“Well, that’s quite… logical, I guess,” Annabelle shrugged.

Her Dad stopped to catch his breath looking at the back seat of the car.

“How the hell did we manage to move here half of the house in a week’s time?” he murmured.

Anna thought that there would never be a moment good enough for this talk and just blurted out. “About the house, Dad. What are we gonna do to the nursery?”

Mark looked at her but then looked back at the bags and started to reorginize everything they already put in the car. 

“Max was at the house yesterday and locked the room,” he said couple minutes later. “I wasn’t ready to just put it down. Your Mom should make this decision when she’ll be able to.”

Anna bend down a little and suddenly started sobbing. She was shocked by that herself, hadn’t cried for last couple days and now started suddenly in the middle of a parking lot. She tried to stop, to hide her face from her father for him not to notice, but it was just as easy as stopping a tsunami. Mark grabbed her by her arms and Anna let him pull her to his chest. She cried like a little girl whose sand castle was destroyed by nasty boy named Bryan. Only she wasn’t a little girl anymore. And when she cried over that stupid sand castle many years ago she didn’t feel her father’s tears on her neck. 

An hour later she waved them goodbye watching their car leave the hospital grounds after settling on seeing them again on Friday, before the memorial service which was set for Saturday. 

She took a cab, she never used her car inside the city and half an hour later she was entering her tiny apartment. She turned on the light and looked around the mess. Maybe she needed a pet? A little cat could keep her company at days like this.

She opened her laptop to print out her schedule for the semester and look through the lists of books, but couple hours later found herself on instagram going through the accounts of her favourite modern artists. Then she settled in the kitchen aiming to cook something of the real food. But ended up ordering pizza on the app. She even considered cleaning a bit.

She didn’t quite notice how fast the rest of the day passed. It was almost midnight. She was lying on her messy bed, carefully listening to the sounds of the city through the half open window and absentmindedly rummaging in her mobile contacts. Until she came across a certain one. 

_ Dr. Calum Hood _

She remembered that morning vividly, her Mom’s first day at the hospital. They were preparing to the labors and dr. Hood came to meet the family of his future patient. He gave them his card  _ just in case  _ and Anna under a strange impulse saved his contacts in her mobile.

She opened the settings.

_ Call? Delete? Send? _

Her thumb hovered over the second option. A moment, next, one more. She sat up and bit her lower lip. 

Then under the very same impulse that made her save his number she chose the third option, typed a short message and pressed  _ send  _ before she had any chance to change her mind.

She fell back on her pillows, switched off the screen and laid the phone down next to her head. She prayed for it to tinkle with a response and feared that it would.

A moment later her phone clinked informing her about a new message. 

Anna was pretty sure her hands had never trembled so hard, as when she was picking up her phone.


	3. Chapter 3

The morning was gloomy just like Anna’s mood. She yawned again and switched off the stove, her fried eggs almost ready. She grimaced, moving them to the plate and sitting at the table. She didn’t like fried eggs, but that was basically the last piece of food in her fridge. 

She remembered yesterday’s wish to cook something for dinner. Like there was anything to actually cook.

She added grocery shopping to the to-do list she was currently making up in her head and winced at too bitter taste of coffee. She ran out of milk… when exactly? Last week?

Anna wasn’t typically so bad at housekeeping. But last week’s events really messed with her routine. If things had gone differently, she wouldn’t have sat here having breakfast out of the last two eggs from her fridge. She would have been staying at Staten Island with her parents, helping around the house. She’d planned to be back to her flat the very morning of her first classes and purposefully emptied her fridge not really wishing to deal with spoilt leftovers. Now she had to adapt to new circumstances. 

She finished her eggs and gave it another thought. It was Thursday morning. She was about to leave to her parents’ the next afternoon and stay at their house for as long as possible. Was it reasonable to go grocery shopping now? Or better fall back into the sinful habit of takeaways? 

The very moment she was tossing between those two options, her phone vibrated shortly. 

Anna took a deep breath and checked her messages. It was Ally. Anna felt her heart slowing down. Of course it was just Allie and not him.

_ “Jo’s cooking lasagna tonight, so I thought about grabbing some Thai food. What do u say? Noodles and wine?” _

Anna couldn’t help smirking to that. Jo had an Italian Grandma, who she’d never seen in her life. Grandma Falsetti died pretty young, couple years before Jo’s Mom and Dad even met. Nevertheless Jo felt some deep connection to her late Grandma Falsetti. This connection came out in a peculiar idea that Jo had a secret talent to cook true Italian lasagna. How and when that idea settled in Jo’s eccentric mind girls had no idea. But every now and then Jo tried to prove her secret and probably yet sleeping cooking talent. She bought everything the little Italian grocery shop nearby could offer and started another crusade towards her dream dish. It would have been probably an easier task if she’d ever looked up any lasagna recipes. But Jo didn’t believe in online cookbooks and instead had an absolute faith in her spiritual connection to Grandma Falsetti. Allie and Anna never questioned that connection. They learned after the first lasagna dinner that Jo was her own fiercest critic, and every result of her desperate attempts to wake up her Italian roots was eventually thrown away. And every lasagna dinner was easily turned into a pizza dinner. Or Chinese dinner. Today it was Thai. Anna particularly adored lasagna dinners for their optimistic spirit. Jo, being a crazy passionate optimist, was never taken down by her failures in the kitchen and kept repeating that every experience was an experience. At least now she knew several wrong ways to cook lasagna, which only brought her closer to the right one. 

Today’s invitation, being welcoming and well-timed on its own, also solved her grocery shopping dilemma. 

Annabelle typed back  _ “Sure! Will be there by 8. Wine’s on me”  _ and wanted to switch off the phone but halted, her gaze settled at the contact name of the next dialogue. Her heartbeat picked up its pace again. She opened the tab, scrolled up to the very beginning and started rereading their messages. As if she hadn’t already learned them by heart. 

She remember last night’s hesitation and sudden urge to text him. Still hadn’t quite understood what made her do it. And of course the first ever idea of what to type was exactly as silly as all her words said or sent to him so far. 

_ 23.46 “What would’ve happened if I’d taken a coffee?” _

Even several hours later she still blushed rereading that. Why couldn’t she have started with simple  _ “Hi”  _ or  _ “It’s Anna, sorry to bother” _ ? Why her subconscious was making her look ridiculous?

_ 23.47 “There would’ve been one coffee less on the table in the on-call room” _

The speed and simplicity of his answer was calming and exciting at the same time. He stated that just like they were continuing a conversation they’d paused a minute ago and not fifteen hours. It made her almost dizzy. To the point of completely losing her mind judging by her next questions. 

_ 23.48 “That easy?” _

_ 23.49 “That easy” _

_ 23.49 “And nothing more?” _

_ 23.50 “And nothing more” _

Anna dropped her phone on the table and hid her face in her hands, groaning quietly. Such a dumbass… 

She recalled staring at his short unimaginative responses last night for couple minutes. After which she’d remembered about good manners. 

_ 23.54 “Sorry for the late night messages” _

_ “Especially so stupid ones,” _ she thought now.

_ 23.55 “I’ve at least 8 more hours on a shift so not so late night for me” _

_ 23.55 “Oh, ok” _

The sounds, that were Anna’s reaction to that fine piece of epistolary genre, were hardly human.

_ 23.56 “Working tmrrw too?” _

_ 23.57 “No, days off till Sat. Y?” _

Anna’s hands started shaking again, almost like last night when she was typing her next message, praying at the same time for an alien invasion which would instantly block all the mobile connection and stop her from finishing her question. Whatever impediment this insane world could offer would actually do, she’d thought, cause she wasn’t able to stop her fingers from typing and feared to death to actually ask him what she was about to ask. 

_ 23.59 “Could we maybe meet up? For a coffee or sth? I really need to talk to you” _

She still couldn’t believe she wrote about coffee. But as usual realisation came after she pressed _ send _ . She’d sat on her bed after that biting her fingers nervously and looking at three little dots showing on his side of the screen. 

_ 00.00 “Sure. Fri noon ok?” _

Annabelle hadn’t noticed she’d hold her breath till she got that text. She’d gasped for air and almost jumped on her bed. 

_ 00.01 “Yeah, totaly” _

_ 00.02 “Let’s hold on to that, but i’ll confirm tomorrow evening in case they call me in overnight” _

_ 00.02 “Yeah, cool” _

_ 00.03 “Goodnight then” _

Anna exhaled loudly rereading that last message from him for a thousandth time at least. 

Why that simple sign of politeness was raising such sensation in her? Why did she see something more than just politeness behind those two words? And why everything about that man was so damn intense?

***

“It’s all about the right mood,” Jo repeated for the third time, putting her future masterpiece in the oven.

“Whose mood exactly?” mocked her Allie. Jo continued staring into the oven through the thick glass and didn't pay much attention to her friend’s words.

“Yeah, Jo, whose mood?” joined Anna, “A cook’s?”

“Or maybe guest’s?”

“No, no, no, I know! It’s all about the lasagna’s mood!” Anna started giggling, mostly because of her fair share of wine, consumed while Jo was cooking.

Jo smirked, standing up. “You are absolute bitches today, ladies! Congratulations!” 

Anna and Allie raised glasses in a joky toast from the opposite side of a kitchen island.

“So, how are your parents?” Allie asked in much more serious tone.

Anna put her glass down and shrugged silently. Jo sent Allie disapproval look.

“You’ve seen my Mom in the hospital. She tries to act normal. But of course it’s hard. It’s hard for everyone,” finally said Anna. “I don’t even know what is worse, the way she acts now, or if she spent all her time alone and crying and mourning.”

“Of course second option is worse, darling,” said Jo softly. 

“But shouldn’t you like… go through it. You know, anger, depression, all that stuff. I feel like she’s stuck in her denial phase. What if she’s actually harming herself that way?”

Jo was obviously lost for words. Allie sighed deeply and noted, “Everybody copes their own way. Knowing Jennifer, it’s quite understandable that she doesn’t want other people to see her grief. She’s exactly that type of woman who’d cry for three days and then stand up and go on with her life. She was never the one to dwell.”

Anna nodded, took another sip of her wine. “I get it. And you right. It’s just. I don’t know, I feel like I miss on something. The way they react… We did have time to prepare to any outcome, knowing about Grayson’s heart condition for some time. But… I sometimes feel like they overcame it in like couple hours. I know they actually didn’t, they do grieve. But the fact that they don’t really show it leaves me confused. Because I don’t understand anything. What should I do? Should I cry? Should I be angry? Should I let go and act it like there were no baby at all? I cried with my Mom the very first day, I had my gush of anger. But now…” she shook her head. “I’m literally at a loss. And my emotions are at a verge. One moment I’m completely alright, the next I’m sobbing in the middle of a parking lot. I mean, what is wrong with me?”

“Hey, nothing is wrong with you,” reassured her Jo, while Allie simply hugged Anna and stayed like that. “There is no instruction that will tell you how you should feel. Because there’s no  _ should _ , Belle. You just feel, the way you do. And if it means crying in the middle of the fucking parking lot, then fine!”

Anna snorted to that, feeling tears in her eyes. “I just feel like a freak.”

“You’re not. You are hurting. It’ll take time. Just give it some time,” almost whispered Allie. 

“Guess, you’re right.”

Anna took another sip of her wine and went faster, like she just remembered it. “About Saturday, there’ll be no funeral. Mom wanted cremation. So it’ll be just a little memorial-ish stuff at our house, nothing official at all. Only family and closest friends. Will you come anyway?’

“Of course, darling,” confirmed Allie. “Noon?”

“Yeah.” 

They kept silence for some time, drinking and not looking at each other. Then Jo, visibly hesitating, decided to ask. “Belle, is Bryan going to come?”

Allie rolled her eyes to that question and Anna snorted.

“Yes, Jo, I’m sorry to upset you, but Bryan is going to be there. We messaged yesterday and he confirmed, that he won’t leave for school till Monday.”

“Messaged?” Jo asked in slight confusion. “You didn't talk to him?”

Anna shrugged nonchalantly, than added. “Wasn't feeling like talking.” And set her gaze at the wine glass she was twisting in her fingers.

Jo looked at Allie, who shook her head asking Jo to drop the topic. Jo widened her eyes in fake innocence when Anna sighed and gave in. “Say it,” she stated firmly.

“What?” Jo decided to continue acting innocent.

“Whatever you wanted to say. Just say it.”

“I just-” Jo hesitated for a moment, which made Anna look up at her friend in mild surprise. If there was one thing Jo could never be accused of it was hesitation. “Don't you think it's rather odd, Belle? He’s your boyfriend of more than three years and you  _ wasn't feeling like talking  _ to him in the probably darkest moment of you life.”

Anna frowned and looked at Allie. “Do you think it's odd too?”

Allie shook her head finishing her wine. “Can you please keep me out of this conversation?” she said, when realised that her friends’ gazes didn't move from her.

“No?” Anna raised her eyebrows.

Allie rolled her eyes at Jo and looked at her empty glass. “Well, I guess, it is a little odd. I guess if I was in the relationship I would want the guy to take care of me in such moment,” she shrugged. “But everybody's different. And if you feel like being alone, it seems totally fine to me,” she concluded, stressing her last words and looking at Jo again.

“Well, I'm sorry for being so hard-heartedly honest, but it doesn't really seems fine to me,” stated Jo. 

A loud sound struck in the settled silence. Anna looked back at the couch where she left her phone. “To tell the truth, Jo, Bryan is definitely the last of my problems right now.”

She stood up and stepped to the couch to check the message. She was intended to keep her face emotionless not to give much away (mostly because there was literally nothing to give away), but she couldn't help her smile when she saw the contact name.

_ “Still up for that coffee?” _

Her fingers started typing before she even thought about her reply. She waited a moment till he sent her an address of a little coffee shop next to the NY public library, switched her screen off, went back to the kitchen island and realised that girls’ gazes were on her all that time.

“What?” she played dumb under Jo’s questioning look.

“Who was that?” Jo obviously had a hard time trying to suppress her curiosity. Anna looked at her, then at Allie, who as usual wasn't giving much away, but was definitely interested too. 

“That was…” Anna stumbled. How would she explain all of it?

“Don't say that was nobody!” exclaimed Jo. “I swear, Belle, if you say it was nobody, I'll steal you phone and look.”

Anna was taken aback. “Hey, chill, would you? Why does it even matter?”

“Because you smiled,” quietly said Allie and Anna felt almost betrayed. 

“And not just smiled! You smiled your special little smile,” continued Jo as she started to slightly bounce on her tiptoes impatiently. 

“Special smile? I don't have any special smiles, what are you even talking about?”

“You do,” noted Allie matter of factly.

“See? Thank you, Allie! Now spill the beans!”

“There's nothing to spill. It was Dr. Hood.” She took a bottle and poured herself more wine, but mostly just to occupy herself with something cause she suddenly felt awkward. 

“Dr. Hood?” Jo repeated in disbelief and Allie almost choked on her wine. “Is it that hot doctor we saw staring at you at the hospital?” 

“Well, yes,” Anna confirmed, still not risking to look at her friends.

Jo shrieked and spinned throwing her arms up in the air. “I knew it!” she yelled looking at Anna with excitement. “I knew there was something between the two of you!”

“There’s literally nothing between us, I swear,” Anna said holding her hands up in calming gesture. 

“Wait, first things first! How did it even happen that you text?” bursted Allie being as excited as Jo, to Anna’s utter bewilderment. 

“Well, he gave us his card, you know, just in case, when Mom only got to the hospital,” Anna explained.

Jo gave a whistle. “So it was you who texted first? I can say that I've never been so proud of you, my little Belle!”

Anna sighed and hid her head in her hands. “It’s absolutely not like that, Jo!” she groaned. “Can you not, please?”

“Then just tell us!” begged Jo.

“I shouted at him, okay?” Anna confessed, still hiding her face. Then she took a deep breath, took her hand off of her face and met two shocked stares. “The gush of anger I had,” she started explaining. “It was the very night Grayson died. I'd been hiding in the hospital corridors for some time, needed some privacy to bail my eyes out, you know. And then I decided to come back to my Mom's room and I saw him in a hall. And… it was really awful. I blamed him for everything, said he hadn't saved my brother, that it was his fault. Then started crying again. An absolute mess.”

Anna shook her head on the unwanted memory.

“What did he do?” Allie asked softly.

“Nothing much. He held me the whole time I was crying, ‘s all.” 

The room was silent for some time.

“So why did you text him?” finally asked Jo.

Anna looked up at her. “I asked him to meet me. I need to apologize properly for what a horrible person I was to him.”

“Anna,” Allie gasped putting her hand on Anna’s back and stroking her soothingly. “You aren't a horrible person. You were devastated by your loss. What you did is more than understandable.”

Anna chuckled bitterly. “It wasn't actually the only shit thing I did.”

“What?”

“The day you came to visit my Mom, I was sitting on the bench in front of the hospital that morning. I was sitting there every morning before entering, actually. Needed a moment to myself, you know. So he sat next to me and offered coffee he’d bought for me. And I just shoved him off like a total bitch. And he just tried to be friendly.”

“Belle, I'm sure he understands,” tried to reassure her Jo. 

“Of course, he does,” Annabelle agreed. “But that's not the point at all. The way I acted, that's not me. I'm not that person and I need him to know it. I can't explain, but I just can't leave it like that. I owe him an apology no matter what reasons I had.”

“When are you meeting?” Jo asked a moment later.

“Tomorrow noon,” she answered as Jo’s oven alarm went off. 

Jo bounced again in anticipation and picked potholders. “Finally!” she breathed out, opening the oven. 

They understood something was wrong as soon as Jo started cutting it in portions. The dish was basically breaking under her knife with loud crunching. Allie and Anna looked at each other too scared to say a word. Jo groaned, mumbled something about “the fucking fuck” and threw another result of her cooking into her trash bin. Then she looked up at girls and asked, looking tired and pissed, “So, what did you bring today?”

“Thai,” confessed Allie with shy smile. “But we need to heat it up.”

“Well, you know how to use my microwave,” Jo shrugged waving to Anna. “Belle, give me that damn bottle, will you? I need to drink up that disaster.”

Annabelle giggled, handing Jo wine and smiling at the visibly lightening mood. She couldn't help but thought that no matter what was happening in her life, lasagna dinners would always be there to save her from all the troubles. And at that moment she couldn't be more grateful for that.

***

“Are you sure you wanna go today?” her dad asked for at least fourth time. “Traffic’s gonna be awful.”

Anna smiled. “Dad, it's New York, traffic’s gonna be awful no matter when I decide to come.”

He chuckled lightly. “Okay, sweetheart. You gonna stay for the whole weekend?”

“No, actually I was about to stay till Tuesday. I've got first class in the afternoon so I could leave in the morning.”

“You sure?”

“Well, yeah. As long as you okay with me bothering you for so long,” she joked.

“Don't be silly.” Annabelle could see her Dad’s frown right now and smiled wider. “I just thought as it’s your last weekend before school starts you’d want…”

Anna didn't let him finish. “There’s no other place I’d rather be right now, Dad.”

“Sure thing, Anna.”

“I'll text you when I set off, ‘kay? Don't start dinner without me!”

“Can't promise you anything, sweetheart. Your Mom’s cooking curry tonight so…”

“I won't speak to you ever again if you start without me!” she threatened, giggling. 

“I'm just saying I wouldn't waste much time for packing if I were you,” Mark teased again.

“I’m leaving right now,” Anna heard her father chuckle again and the sound made her heart shrink. Or maybe it was the sight of a tall man in black shirt and black jeans waiting for her outside of a quite busy coffee shop. Anna felt her hands starting to shake. “Dad, I have to go, but I'll text you later.”

“Okay, darling. I love you.”

“Love you too. See you tonight,” Anna mumbled and finished her call. 

That very moment he saw her and put his phone he was scrolling through while waiting in the pocket of his jeans.

Anna felt her heart setting off in a running pace. Say  _ Hi _ or  _ Hello?  _ Smile or better not? What was more appropriate in conversation with a man she’d accused of the most horrible things?

“I thought of buying us coffee, but realised you’ve never actually told me,” he said with a ghost of a smile on his lips, saving her from struggling with her first words.

“Never told you what?” Anna felt lost at this.

“What coffee you prefer,” he explained and let smile touch his face finally. 

Anna widened her eyes half because of the fact that she didn't understand that herself, half because he wanted to buy her coffee even after she shoved him off the last time he did. “Er, cappuccino would be fine, but you don't have to buy me coffee,” she shook her head frowning a little.

He shrugged and stepped into the coffee shop without sparing her another word. Anna followed him just to see the barista noticing him and raising an eyebrow in a silent question.

“I was right,” told him Dr. Hood leaving Anna even more at a loss. 

The barista guy smirked and handed him two coffee cups, giving Anna an examining look.

Dr. Hood turned back to Anna and gestured her to go back to the street. 

“There are tables in the park across the street,” he showed her. “We can sit there and talk. And here's your cappuccino,” he handed her a cup and stepped towards the said park.

“So you did buy me coffee,” she concluded looking at his back and following him suit.

He shrugged and Anna thought she heard him snort. “It was a lucky shot. You just seemed a cappuccino type,” he said and looked at her as they entered the park.

“A cappuccino type,” Anna murmured to herself having close to no clue what he was actually talking about. What was a cappuccino type after all?

“Well thanks for the coffee,” she said as they settled at a table next to a big tree and as far away from the walking paths as possible. She noted his lips twitch a little. “And thank you for not commenting on it further,” she sighed, looking away from him.

“Any time,” he answered, took a sip of his coffee and asked, “How have you been?”

Anna shrugged. What could she answer to that? Was she alright? She wasn’t even sure what alright was anymore. She looked back at him, taking slightly aback by the unexpected seriousness in his eyes. She shrugged again and saw his nod of understanding. He wasn’t looking at her with sympathy or pity, wasn’t judgemental or embarrassed by the pain behind that shrug. He just understood. And surprisingly it was exactly what she needed right now. 

“So why did you wanna see me?” he asked after another minute of sitting there in silence. 

Anna felt tears coming up to her eyes and took a deep breath. She wasn’t going to cry in front of him, not again. She gathered all the courage she had left in her and breathed out, “Dr. Hood, I-”

“It’s Calum,” he interrupted her with a shy smile.

Anna looked up at him again. “Um, what?”

“My name is Calum,” he repeated, his smile widening. “We’re no longer in doctor-patient relationship. Truth to be told we’ve never actually been. But anyway, call me Calum, please. Dr. Hood still has me a little uncomfortable,” he admitted.

“Oh, okay,” Annabelle mumbled, cursing herself again for the stupid childish answers. “Well, Calum, I just wanted to apologize,” she stated, looking at her hands, started picking on her nail polish out of nervousness. “For the night it all happened and for the Wednesday morning too. I had no right to blame you for what happened, I know you’ve done everything that was possible. And I’m sorry I was a total bitch to you when you just tried to be friendly. And-”

“Hey, don’t,” he stopped her again and suddenly Anna felt his right hand gripping on hers. His hand was hot and soft and so big, with three letters tattooed between his thumb and index finger. He waited till she looked back at him and said softly, “You don’t have to apologize. I totally understand.”

Anna shook her head and leaned back on her chair, her hands are still in his grip. She noticed with her side sight a little girl in pretty pink dress running excitedly around a woman several meters behind Calum and felt tears coming up again. “It doesn’t matter if I had a reason or not. I’m thankful you understand, but I still had no right to act like I did towards you. And I’m so sorry that I did. And I really hope you could forgive me, cause honestly words cannot even start to explain how grateful I am for everything you did.”

Calum smiled again and started with, “Anna, you-” but this time he was interrupted. 

Two tiny hands gripped on his left arm and a chubby cheek pressed to his tattooed biceps. Calum turned his look to the little intruder. Annabelle freed her hands from his grip and looked at a little girl in confusion. Pretty pink dress with a flowery print told her it was the same girl she noticed couple minutes ago. The girl was about three, had pretty curls the color of milk chocolate and big blue eyes, which were fixed on Calum’s still slightly surprised face. 

“And who is that here?” he chuckled, big smile on his face.

“It’s just me, doctah Cawum,” she replied and giggled, not looking anywhere but at him. “I made a wish I meet you today,” she revealed shyly and giggled again.

“Seems like a real magic to me,” Calum chuckled again, standing up from his chair and bending down to the girl. “Now, I guess I deserve my hug.”

The girl laughed happily, as he lifted her up and spinned couple of times, squeezing her in his massive arms. They stopped and the girl pulled back a little, settling comfortable on his hip. That was exactly when a woman the girl was with came up to them, she looked a little embarrassed and angry. 

“Aubrie, how many times do I need to tell you not to run away from me?” she nagged little girl in a rather soft voice.

“But I saw doctah Cawum!” Aubrie stated, like it was totally indulging. The woman snorted, looking at the man holding her little daughter. “Of course you did,” she sighed. “Hello, Calum! And I’m sorry we interrupted you,” she looked apologetically at Anna.

Calum hugged her with his free arm with no hesitation. “Don’t be ridiculous, I’m always glad to see you. This is Anna, by the way,” he looked back at Annabelle. Anna smiled at the woman. “And these are Laura and my favourite patient Princess Aubrie,” he introduced them, bouncing Aubrie on his hip. 

“I’m not a patient, I’m your friend!” exclaimed Aubrie and hid her face in his neck. 

“Oh, I’m so silly! I’m sorry, princess, of course you’re my friend!” he agreed easily and moved his gaze to Laura. “You were at the hospital? How is our little girl?”

“Yeah, we were at the usual checking. Dr. Irwin said she’s absolutely okay. Even approved on dancing classes,” she smiled, stroking Aubries curls. 

“Will you come to my concert when I be dancin’ pwincess?” Aubrie asked, pulling away and looking at Calum with eyes full of adoration. 

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he promised, hugging her again. 

“Okay, angel, we have to go,” her mother sighed. “Hug doctor Calum goodbye and let’s go.”

“No, Mama,” whined Aubrie and clung on Calum’s neck with both hands, making him laugh quietly. 

“Remember you wanted to buy those beautiful cups for your garden party? If we go now we’ll probably have enough time to do it today,” traded Laura with a mischievous grin. 

Her trick obviously worked, as Aubrie let go off Calum’s neck with a sad expression on her face.

“Will you come to my garden party?” she asked him, before letting him put her down. 

“Well, if your Mom and Dad are okay with that,” he hold back for a moment.

“Come on, Calum, you know, you are always a welcome guest in our house,” smiled Laura at him. 

“I will most definitely come,” Calum promised to the little girl in his arms. “When is it going to be?”

“Next Saturday, at around three,” said Laura, as Aubrie struggled with answering, probably not very good with days and time yet. 

“Then I’ll see you there, right, princess?” Calum asked Aubrie, and she nodded excitedly, glowing with happiness. 

He hugged Aubrie one more time, they said their goodbyes with Laura, who shared one more smile with Anna, and with that they left. 

Calum stood there for a moment more, looking after them, and then sat back down on his chair, shy smile still on his lips.

“Sorry about that,” he mumbled, looking at Anna.

“That’s okay,” she smiled back, even though her heart was aching from the sight of a happy little kid. “Did you treat her?”

Callum hummed admittedly. 

“Tell me about it,” Anna asked.

Calum frowned, her request took him by surprise. 

“Well, Aubrie was one of my first patients when I only started operating after couple of years of residency. She was born premature and had a heart condition.”

“Like my brother?”

“Not exactly,” he shook his head, his stare not leaving Anna’s face for a moment. “There was a little problem with her cardiac valve, it’s rather easier than what your brother had. She was operated on the third day after her birth and spent almost four weeks after that in an NICU. She needs regular check ups now. Although her chances of living a healthy life without any other operations are very high.”

“You aren’t the one who checks up on her?” Anna asked, slightly confused.

“No, my job is finished after the first month of their life,” Calum explained. “Then we pass our little patients on to pediatrics. But I do like to follow their progress,” he finished quietly.

Anna nodded, not really knowing what to say to that. 

“Why’d you ask?” 

She looked straight at Calum and felt a lonely tear fall down her cheek.

“I don’t really know,” she said, wiping a tear with her hand and smiling apologetically. “Just needed some good story, I guess.”

“Hey,” Calum stretched his arm forward and grabbed her hand again, making her shake a little. “There’ll be plenty of them in your life. Just give them some time.” 

She smiled back at him and sniffed. She squeezed his hand in silent thank you and offered, “Do you, maybe, wanna walk a little? Of course, if you’re not-”

“I’m not,” he smirked, standing and pulling her up by her hand, “whatever you wanted to say next.”

Anna let him snake his arm around her shoulders and lead up the street. She was dazed by his easiness and by the way her heart felt lighter. She couldn’t even try to explain all the things she felt, too overwhelmed by his presence. But she was absolutely positive about one thing. She wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of the day with his arm around her shoulders.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Blame. Chapter 4**

 

It was odd. Felt like Anna’d known, that her cell phone was about to set off moments before she actually heard the sound. She was in her apartment, ready to set off to her parents and checking her bag for the last time, just to be sure that she wouldn’t need anything. And she knew that her phone was ready to ring, she looked at it a second before the call. And she definitely knew who was calling. And not by the melody, she had a standard one for all the calls. She just new. And it was odd.

The phone was ringing. Anna was standing next to her little kitchen island looking at screeching device and debating whether to pick up or not. She couldn’t quite explain it, but she didn’t want to talk to Bryan. Like she knew that if she picks up, they’re gonna end up fighting. But finally she gave in and answered the call. 

“Did I wake you? Is everything alright?” surprisingly, Bryan sounded really worried.

Annabelle frowned.

“No. And yes. Why?”

“Well, you didn’t pick up for…”

“I’m packing, didn’t hear,” lied Anna instantly. “So, what’s up?”

“Just wanted to check on you? How’ve you been?”

Anna sighed and rolled her eyes a little. Suddenly she remembered Jo’s yesterday words. She was in a long-term relationship with a guy and got pissed off when he was trying to show his care. There was something seriously wrong with their relationship. Or with her.

“I-” but, jeez, how was she to put this into words? How could she explain everything she felt to a person unable to understand it himself? “I’m okay Bryan, really. Everything’s fine. Was just about to set off.”

“You’re coming today?” Bryan was genuinely surprised.

“Yeah, thought that would be better,” Anna shrugged, moving her attention to her bag again. “Wanna be there tomorrow from the early morning.” 

Bryan hummed something incoherent in return and silence fell between them.

“Do you want me to meet you tonight?” he finally asked. 

Anna sighed again. “No, I guess I better spend the evening with my parents. You know…”

“Yeah, sure,” Bryan agreed hastily. “We’ll be back at your place tomorrow eveninganyway, so better spend some time with the family.”

Annabelle bit her cheek in confusion. “Back at my place?” she repeated. 

And then she felt it, a momentary change in the mood, electricity starting to crackle between them. 

“Well, yeah,” started Bryan, “we planned to spend the rest of the weekend together, remember? I’m leaving to Phila on Monday, so…”

“Bryan, I’m not coming back here till Tuesday,” Annabelle stated in a cold tone.

He sighed. That awful patronizing sigh adults make when talk to a silly kid. Anna felt her blood start to boil in her veins. 

“What? Anna, babe, come on! We’re not gonna see each other for weeks. I wanna spend some time with my girl, before I go.”

And that was the moment she lost it. 

“Well, I’m so sorry to ruin your plans,  _ babe _ , but, newsflash! My brother has just died! And no matter how ridiculous it seems to you, my family is a little bit more important than your need for sex!”

“Anna, that’s not…”

But she wasn’t listening to him anymore.

“I’m sure there are a lot of girls in Phila who will gladly help you out! Goodbye, Bryan!”

And just like that she hung up. And was quite proud of herself for not shattering her phone that very moment. 

Annabelle tried to calm down, but she still felt her hands shake as she was picking up her bag and typing a message to her dad. She kept reminding herself what happened was more than typical for Bryan and she shouldn’t have been so shocked. But she just couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that even in such circumstances he was as ignorant as usual.

All her attempts to concentrate on driving and her family were in vain. At some point she started to go through the radio stations in search for some distraction, but couldn’t really settle for any of them. All music was either too happy, or too sad, or just...not right. So she turned her radio off and groaned loudly. 

Her thoughts were coming back to her fight with Bryan again and again. Annabelle was shaking her head in disapproval, imagining some other responses to his rudeness, more clever and sharp ones, and was saying them out loud, as if Bryan was right in front of her. Drivers in the cars nearby probably thought she was crazy. But Anna was so deep in her own distress, she forgot that there were any people around her. And every time she decided to let it fucking go, reminding herself that he just didn't understand and there was probably nothing she could do to make him understand, the same question popped up in her head. How? How could the man, who said he loved her so many times, treat her like that? The only answer she had was the phantom feeling of a man’s strong arm wrapped around her shoulder, helping her carry her troubles and somehow making it all a little bit better. For like a mere second, but better. 

How come Bryan wasn’t the person to make her feel that?

Annabelle got so distracted that when she realised she wasn’t moving she couldn’t remember the moment she’d stopped. Just as she couldn’t understand why she was on the parking lot of her school couple streets from her parents’ house. The sun was already setting behind tall trees on the other side of a playing field. Everything around her was deserted, not a single person or car around. Students, and apparently teachers too, were eager to spend the last weekend of summer holidays as far away from school as it was only possible. Anna looked around couple of times. What was she doing in the emptiest place in the entire neighbourhood? 

And then she understood. The very moment the first tear fell down her cheek. She understood. It was like a dam wreck. It all started with a single tear and little sniffles. But couple moments in she was crying like she’d just found out about everything what happened. Like they were still at the hospital and Dr. Hood was telling them the dreadful news. She was crying like all her wounds were open again and bleeding. She didn’t even tried to hold it back, knowing well enough how useless would be her efforts. She started to sob loudly soon, and the next moment her hand hit the steering wheel. And then she hit it again. And again. And she continued hitting it till her hands started to hurt, trying to free all the anger and despair she had inside. And understanding she was nowhere near. The emptiness she felt in her chest the night it all happened was filled now with the darkest emotions imaginable. And one break down on a high school parking lot wasn’t enough to get rid of all of them. Anna was ready to believe she would never be able to let go of them, she was destined to carry this darkness inside and nothing will ever stop it from hurting. Nothing and no one. 

She’d spent like that about twenty minutes, before her tears stopped. And after that she wasted at least as much time to calm down and try to hide the red circles around her eyes with the make-up. 

When she finally drove up her parents’ driveway she was so late that her dad almost jumped out of the front door to meet her.

“You were right about traffic,” she tried to smile, looking at his slightly worried expression.

“You’re finally here, that’s all that matters.”

Mark pecked his daughter on the cheek and took her bag from her hands. They were walking up the porch stairs when Anna realised he was more tense than she expected. She saw it in the way his shoulders were a little too straight and  his head leaned on the right. Anna felt cold creeping up her spine. What was going on?

“By the way,” Mark interrupted her thinking, his tone too funny for her to believe it, “we had to cancel the curry plan, unfortunately. Your Mom ran out of spices. But I hope you’ll be okay with a pizza night?”

He stopped at the front door, letting Anna come inside first and looking at her with a wide smile.

“Sure, pizza is fine,” she smiled back. 

Her  Dad nodded and headed upstairs to put her back in her room. 

Anna lingered in the hall for a couple more moments. She looked at his back feeling an uneasiness inside her growing stronger. There was something too unnatural in all of it. 

She shook her head and stepped into the living room. Huge glass doors on the west side of the room let her see their rather big garden, filled with all shades of orange light from a sunset. 

Her Mom was in the backyard, obviously working with some of her plants. Annabelle came closer to the doors and watched her Mom. All sorts of gardening tools were scattered around Jennifer. Freshly digged soil on her roses’ flower beds, bushes just cut, garden furniture in a new place. How long has she spent there?

A strange thought flashed through her mind. Annabelle went to the kitchen and opened the cupboard where her Mom kept all her spices. And she sighed deeply. All of them were there, some of the items even doubled. Anna closed her eyes trying to comprehend the idea of her Dad deliberately lying to her. And then she heard him coming behind her. 

“What are you doing?”

Annabelle closed the cupboard and turned over to look at her Dad standing in the arch between the living room and kitchen.

“There’s no problem with spices, right? She’s never run out of them in my entire life.”

Mark didn’t say anything to that, just stepped back into the living room and looked at his wife busy with her flowers.

Anna came closer to him and asked almost in a whisper, “How long has she been there?” After her Dad said nothing again, she nodded in understanding, “So the whole day then.”

And it stuck her finally, a massive realisation which squeezed her throat preventing her from breathing. Her parents, she understood now, they weren’t okay. They were so not okay she couldn’t even start to comprehend the depths of their loss. They were shattered and grieving thousands time stronger than she was. But even though they’d lost their second child, they still had their first. And for the sake of that child they were keeping their grief down low, tried to look as normal as it was only possible to save Anna from more heartbreaks and pain for her parents. 

Anna felt the familiar burning in her eyes and stinging in her chest. She took a deep breath and turned to her Dad, who was still looking outside. “You should stop protecting me, Daddy,” she uttered, her voice broken and trembling. “At least from this.”

Mark shook his head and looked at his daughter, his eyes full of tears. “You’re my little girl, Annabelle. I will never stop protecting you,” he sighed and suddenly pulled her into his arms, holding her like their lives depended on it. “I couldn’t save him and I can’t save my wife from it all. But I will always protect you. I promise you this.”

So they stood like that in their living room. Mark was breathing in his daughter’s hair, hiding his eyes. She was holding his broad and shaking shoulders with her little hands, realising how wrong she was about them, how awfully damaged their family was. And asking herself if there was at least any chance that one day they would be okay again.

***

The last time their house was so full of people was her graduation. Table in the dining room was as full with food. Her grandmas and grandpas sitting on the same places. Bryan being just as nervous as that night two years ago. Annabelle found all the parallels surprisingly soothing. Like the familiarity of the scene helped her stay sane. 

She looked at her older relatives again. Grandpas were preoccupied in some heated conversation with one of her uncles and her father’s oldest friend from college. Grandmas were reminiscing on the good old days, judging by their slightly dreamy expressions. It was surprising though how interested and involved in their talk was Jo, sitting with them, asking questions here and there, listening carefully to their replies. Who could have thought. 

Allie was standing near the doors to the garden, Bryan close to her leaning on the wall with a glass of whiskey in his right hand, left hidden in his pocket. They were exchanging some phrases from time to time, but mostly stood there in silence. Allie was frowning, looking at Bryan with worry in her eyes, but Anna pretended she didn’t see it. Just as she pretended she couldn’t guess the source of his distress or that she didn’t care at all. He tried to speak to her earlier, but every time he was approaching her, Anna was excusing herself under one pretext or another. Or just kept her occupied with her parents or talking to Max, who gladly obliged in keeping her company through the whole day.

Bryan’s and Allie’s parents were together in the kitchen, chatting about something in the quiet voices. Anna could only see them through the arch, too far away to hear a word. But snatched looks Bryan’s Mom was sending her told her everything she needed to know about their topic. They knew about her and Bryan’s fight, obviously. She could almost hear it.  _ Poor girl, she’s devastated. No surprise she’s so emotional. Doesn't mean the half of what she’s saying. Bryan just needs to be patient with her.  _ Like she was some kind of a wild animal and they were trying to tame her. She snorted in disgust.

“Here you are,” Maks spoke quietly, coming up to her and handing a glass of water. 

Anna mumbled  _ thanks _ and continued looking around.

“Wanted to say how much I actually hate funeral,” Max started, his eyes wandering around the living room just like Anna’s, “and then…”

“Realised everyone else hate them too?” Anna finished for him.

Max chuckled, trying to cover it in his extremely unnatural cough. “Yeah, like can there be at least any lunatic who would enjoy it?”

“There actually is. The undertaker,” stated Anna.

Max looked at her with eyes full of disbelief. “You’re awful today, you know?”

“Just in a mood,” she shrugged nonchalantly and took a sip of her water. Her eyes darted to the kitchen frame again. 

“Stop looking there,” hummed Max.

“I think they’re talking about me. It’s pissing me off.”

Max sighed and looked at his cousin with a bemused smile. “Of course they’re talking about you. They’re your boyfriend’s parents and we’re at the funeral. What else do they have to talk about?”

“And you say I’m awful,” whined Anna in a whisper. 

“Come on, we’re so similar, could be actually related,” joked Max. “Gotta go hang out with the male part of the family. Will you be okay without me?”

Anna smiled. “Will do my best to survive, but you see, it’s a funeral after all.”

“You are officially the worst,” stated Max, winked at her and set off to the other corner of the room. 

Someone moving next to Allie and Bryan’s spot drew Anna’s attention. She saw Bryan explain something to Allie passionately when Jo came up to them, a ghost of a wicked smile on her lips. She said something under her breath, Allie looking at her angrily in an instant and Bryan just shook his head but refrained from responding. Anna considered an idea of approaching them to prevent any kind of confrontation between Jo and Bryan, but was destructed by some movement in her peripheral sight. The next thing she knew, she was hugging Bryan’s parents, thanking them for coming and all the offers of help. Bryan was right next to them and she hugged him too, mechanically, not even giving it another thought. She nodded to all the condolences repeated again and again and looked at her fingers not to meet her boyfriends eyes. Then they left.

Anna looked around again. Max was stuck near her Dad and some of the uncles. Her Mom was surrounded by her two best friends and Anna’s aunt. Jo and Allie were standing together discussing something in an undertone. And Annabelle suddenly felt so lost again. Just like she felt last night sitting in her car next to her school. As if it was difficult to understand what she was doing here and why all of it was happening. She set her look on the glass of water in her hands, but it was shaking so much she risked dropping it. So she darted into the empty now kitchen in hopes to hide her sudden break down. She left the glass on the kitchen island and put her hands on the cold stone of the counter, failing to understand what was happening to her. She wasn’t used to such drastic changes in her mood and the fact that she had close to no control over her own emotions now left her scared and breathless. 

Anna felt Jo’s cold and rather sharp perfume enveloping her along with Jo’s arms snaking around her frame. 

“You gonna be okay, little Belle,” Jo whispered resting her head on Anna’s shoulder. “Everything will be okay.”

Another pair of hands gently stroked Anna’s hair on the other side of Jo. Allie didn’t say anything, just stood there, letting Anna calm down in the presence of her two closest friends. 

Several minutes later Annabelle moved in Jo’s arms and turned over to be able to look at girls. She wanted to say something really meaningful, wanted to explain how much them being here meant to her, how grateful she was for everything they were doing, even if they would say they weren’t doing anything at all. But no words were enough. So they just stood there looking at each other and understanding everything.

“Don’t you need to move back?” Anna finally broke their silence as she remembered Jo had a long ago planned photoshoot in the evening. 

“We were about to set off,” Jo agreed and hugged Anna again. “But just say a word and we’ll stay,” she added. 

“No,” Anna shook her head stepping away from Jo and hugging Allie. “Thank you, girls. But I’ll be fine. You’ve got nothing to worry about,” she stated with a smile and noticed Max’s tall frame in the doorway. He probably saw girls rushing into the kitchen after Anna and decided to linger around just in case. She nodded in his direction and added, “Plus I have Max to keep an eye on me.”

Allie looked back and smiled widely at the sight of Anna’s cousin, wiping a tear with her free hand. “You know you can call and text and come any moment you want, right?” she asked looking back at her best friend.

“Of course, I do, Al. And I will, promise.”

They hugged one more time and girls left after saying their goodbyes to Anna’s parents, Max stepped out the house to see them off. And Anna was left alone wondering how long she will need till she actually would be okay. 

The same question was flowing through her mind the next day when she was wandering through the grocery shop with Max.

Her Mom didn’t come down for breakfast that morning, blaming severe headache. So her Dad found nothing better than to send Anna away from the house to run some errands. 

So she was standing in the middle of the chocolate isle next to their shopping cart and scrolling mindlessly through the Instagram, while Max was somewhere else picking up something they missed. Anna couldn’t care less about groceries, so when on the entry to the shop Max grabbed her shopping list and lead the way, Anna let him act out the adult one with gratitude.

“So what's up with you and Bryan?” Anna heard behind her.

She turned back and looked at Max with a sauce bottle in one hand and some packets of pasta in another. He dropped all of it in the cart and turned questioning look at Anna.

“Nothing new,” she admitted, switching off her phone and putting it back in her jeans pocket. “We were planning to spend this weekend together, but then it all happened. And I didn't even remember about these plans. And then he calls and starts talking about it like it's already settled and nothing’s changed and I… I don’t know, Max. Yesterday I was so pissed about it, but today I feel like I couldn't care less.”

“So basically he's been a neglectful douchebag?” Max tried to sum up.

“Exactly,” hummed Anna, choosing a chocolate sauce.

“But you don't care because that's typical of him and also you've other stuff to care about?”

“Pretty much,” she agreed. 

They strolled along the isle as Max grunted. Anna waited couple of minutes for him to actually say something, but apparently Max thought the topic was over. So she asked, “Can you vocalise, maybe?”

Max stopped in the middle of an isle containing all types of flour. 

“There's nothing much to vocalise, Anna,” he said, looking at her in surprise. “He's still your boyfriend. And as long as you're okay with that, I'm also okay with that.”

Annabelle rolled her eyes to that and rushed, “You're just like Allie!”

“What? What do you mean I'm just like Allie?” asked Max a little too worked up over her remark. 

“It's just exactly the kind of shit she would say.  _ Anna, that's your decision. If you're okay then I'm okay,” _ Anna groaned, obviously too stressed out about it all of a sudden, but somehow not wishing to tame down her reaction. “Seriously, every so often I almost want to question if she really thinks it, or just masks her objection with politeness.”

“Allie would never lie to you or object without stating her point,” returned Max sounding almost wounded.

Anna breathed in and shook her head a little, wavy golden hair a mess around her shoulder. “Max, chill. I know that, she's my best friend since we were like four. I know Ally and I know she would never act this way. All I'm saying is that-” she sighed, taking a pause to get her thoughts together. “Sometimes I would be more than happy to know your real thoughts instead of hearing how ya’ll support any my decision.”

“But we  _ are _ going to support any your decision,” reminded Max softly, his easy smile signaled that tension left them as suddenly as it'd come.

“And I love you for that,” Anna reflected his smile. “But- I don't know- Could you maybe just say what you think about it all?”

Max groaned quietly, ran his hand over his face and gave in. “You're my cousin, Annabelle, but we've always been more of a brother and sister. And I love you just like I'd love my sister, if I had one. And, frankly, Bryan’s never been a type of guy I would choose for my sister. It's not like he's a bad guy or something. But he's not a great one either.”

“Okay,” drawled Anna carefully, afraid to scare off this rush of sincerity, “why do I hear  _ but _ here?”

“But,” nodded Max looking straight in here eyes, and Anna felt shivers crawl up her spine under his sight, “all of what I've just said wouldn't mean anything if you had at least any feelings to him,” he finished and shrugged at her exasperation. 

Then Max shrugged again, looked around, mumbled something about garlic for uncle Mark and wandered further along the isle, leaving Anna behind, shook and without any idea of what just happened. 

They continued their shopping dropping some random phrases here and there. Sang along some stupid song on the way back to her home. And even joked around the kitchen a little while unpacking all the grocery bags. They hugged tightly when Max was leaving after having a beer with her Dad in the garden. And they were absolutely okay with each other.

But Anna would lie if she said she wasn't thinking constantly about what Max said.  _ If you had at least any feeling to him. _ But Anna had feelings to Bryan. Right? She kept asking herself lying in the darkness of her room that night only to be met with a total silence in her head.

Had she ever had any feelings at all? She'd never questioned her relationship with Bryan, they were the most natural thing in her life after her friendship with girls. Always so easy, from the very night they first went out to a spring formal so many years ago. She remembered the first time he told her he loved her after they'd spent their first night together. Did she feel anything that moment? Apart from being flattered and grateful. Unexpectedly she found herself doubting everything she'd been sure before. Despite being with Bryan for more than three years now she'd never even considered the idea of actually loving him. And it was just… crazy. It's like it completely slipped out of her mind. Or maybe she just knew she didn't love him, so her conscious left the idea untouched avoiding a distress. And what kind of person did it make her for being with a person for so long and not loving him? For not questioning it while it's been so clear for all her friends. Did Bryan also know it? Did he feel that she didn’t love him? Did it hurt him to know it? And why he'd never brought it up?

Anna moved on her back and huffed, looking at her ceiling decorated with shadows made by the tree branches and lanterns in their garden. All of a sudden she remembered Calum, how she shouted at him that night. She probably hurt him too. Maybe that was the answer she seeked? Maybe she just was that person who was meant to hurt others around? That would definitely explain everything. Especially the fact that with all those bursts of feelings she experienced last week, right now she couldn't bring herself to feel anything at all. 

It was like she woke up and found another person inside her body. And she didn't really like that person at all.

***

It'd been raining heavily all day and stopped only half an hour before or so. Now it was just gloomy as the day was coming to an end, weather more suited for November than the first days into September. 

Anna looked through the high windows of a painting studio she was currently sitting in and sighed. She had no wish of leaving the college building in such weather. And that was another reason for her to stay in the studio after her classes. The main one though was that she really missed painting. She looked at the backs of two students in front of her, who obviously majored in art and stayed here for a real assignment rather than just for fun like her. She was wondering sometimes if she made a mistake not taking an art major, but then she always realised that no matter how much she loved painting it was never more than just a hobby for her. History and theory of art on the other hand was a real passion she was willing to connect her future with. So no mistakes there, she thought. Still she sat here in a college art studio painting for her own pleasure while she had some time for it. Soon classes would start being a real pain in her ass and she would have no time for pleasures like wasting hours here. So she tried to enjoy her freedom as long as she still had it.

Annabelle smiled and went back to her barely started picture. She was painting by a random photo she found on some photo stock website just to practice some skill after a long holiday. It was a photo of a coastline in a storm, full of deep purple color sky and navy water. This picture just drew her attention the other night and Anna felt a deep urge to paint it. So she turned her phone on again and continued on her coastline.

Several minutes passed. Anna was completely caught up in her world thinking about nothing and everything at the same time, mesmerized by the smooth movements of her brush, as if it was moving not with the help of Anna’s hand but by it's own command. She liked that feeling of losing the sense of reality, diving deep in the world of colors and shapes. It brought her peace, serenity even. Was pretty much one of her favourite feelings in the world. 

But that precious state was also a fragile one. And she remembered that when the phone in her hand started buzzing all of the sudden, making her almost jump on her stool. However that sensation was nowhere near as big as the one she felt when saw the caller id. “ _ Dr. Hood” _ said the letters on her screen. All sorts of questions rushed through her agitated mind. Why was he calling her? Was something wrong? Did he want something from her? Was he just checking up on her state in a sudden rush of a doctor care? Or it was more of a friendly care? 

Knowing there was only one way to find out, she took a deep breath like before diving into water, and answered the call.

“Hello?” she uttered and almost cursed at herself for how insecure her voice sounded.

“Oh, good, you've picked up!” Calum exclaimed not caring about greetings much and explained, “I thought you might be in class.”

“Done with them for today,” Anna replied. “Just in the studio.”

“Studio?” he asked a little louder. Noises in the background reminded Anna about busy corridors of the hospital. Probably he was crossing one of them which made him raise his tone.

“Yeah, just an art studio in my college, nothing much.”

“So you study art?” Calum asked sounding both surprised and interested. Anna felt like she could almost see a lazy smile on his lips. 

“Something like that,” she muttered not wishing to go into depths of her education, as it drew her away from the reason he called her. “So, what's up?”

“Right,” started Calum like he just remembered why he called her, “So you remember Aubrie?”

“Aubrie?” Anna lost the track of their talk completely. 

“Yup, the little girl I treated. We met her while having coffee the other day,” Calum explained patiently.

The image of the little girl's squishy cheeks and cute curls popped up in Anna’s mind. “Sure, I remember her.”

“So you should remember she invited me to her garden party this Saturday and I was wondering if you could join me?” Calum asked.

And without doubt from all the things he could ever ask her, that one was the most unexpected.

“You want me to come with you to a three years old’s garden party?” she repeated in a fruitless attempt to understand him.

Calum chuckled, a sound more pleasing for her ears than Anna was ready to admit. “Come on, it's Saturday afternoon! Do you have any better plans?” and not even giving her a chance to reply he continued, “There'll be some kids, couple or more good stories for you and the tastiest banana cake you've ever tried in your life.”

Anna sighed heavily. “Calum, seriously, thank you for inviting me-”

But he didn't give her a chance to reject. “Did I mention the tastiest banana cake in the world?” 

“Yes, you did,” Anna snorted at that.

“And it didn't tempt you? Can't believe it!”

“You know, my Mom is pretty badass baker, so I'm not gonna take a guy's word on the tastiest banana cake in the world,” she couldn't help but tease.

“Guess you have no other choice than to taste it yourself,” Calum stated and Anna heard his smile grow bigger.

But it still wasn't enough to make her agree. “And once again, thank you for inviting me,  Calum, but I-”

“Don't say no,” he suddenly pleaded, making her chuckle again. 

Anna rolled her eyes and finished, “I need to think about it. That's better?”

“Much,” Calum agreed in the same playful tone. “As soon as you decide on anything just send me a text, like, any time.”

“Will do,” Anna promised not even trying to suppress the smile.

“And when I say anytime, I mean it. Anytime day and night. Literally,” he added, the level of noise in the background raising up again. Anna thought she heard somebody calling his name, but she could mishear.

“Do you, like, ever sleep?” she asked in joking disbelief.

Calum laughed softly. “No, sleep is for the weak.”

“As you say, Superman,” Anna laughed too and promised, “I'll text you the moment I know the answer.”

“Perfect. I’ll wait for it.” 

With that he ended the call, leaving Anna stare at her picture in an unfamiliar state of elation. She thought what a shame it would be to actually turn him down. He sounded so hopeful, and Anna felt a strange urge to see him again, not really understanding why. They did spend two wonderful hours walking down the streets talking about all kind of stuff the other day. But they were almost strangers, yet Anna felt like it wasn't complete truth for her heart usually didn't beat so fast because of an idea of seeing a stranger again. Though that were probably just her stupid emotions, reacting all kinds of crazy in all the wrong moments lately. As tempting as this idea was, she had no reasons to go with him to that little girl's garden party.

And still… What a shame it would be to turn him down.


	5. Chapter 5

Annabelle closed her book with a loud smack and dropped her head on the cover. A groan escaped her. She had been trying to read for class for the last two hours. But no matter how many times she reread the same sentence the meaning of words still escaped her. She couldn’t remember a single idea, her mind too agitated with everything and nothing at the same time to comprehend anything. 

She lifted her head and looked at the book cover with a resentment in her eyes, as if it was book’s fault she couldn’t concentrate. Anna rolled on her back on the bed, where she was wallowing, and huffed. Then she closed her eyes and dived into her memory. His voice was so intense and still so soothing. How was it possible? They talked less than five hours ago. Five hours, but it seemed like a whole life had passed since that. Anna opened her eyes, groaning again. She should have texted him, or even called back. She should have said already that she wasn’t gonna go with him. Because what a nonsense it was to go to a house of people she didn’t even know. To a garden party of a three years old, for heaven's sake! Of course she wasn’t going there. So she should have picked up her phone and made him know. No need to keep his hopes up. ‘ _ Like there were any hopes _ ’, she huffed again. What hopes was she thinking about? Not like the guy asked her out. And something stabbed inside at that thought. Was she disappointed he didn’t ask her out?!

Anna stood up and rushed into the kitchen in a failed attempt to run away from this idea. But it was nonsense, pure nonsense. She didn't want him to ask her out, didn’t need it. It would be inappropriate, if not say more. Too much was there between them. Too much and not enough. 

She opened her fridge and looked at its empty insides. She still hadn’t made herself go grocery shopping. Couldn’t force herself. Like she couldn’t force herself answer him right away. 

Annabelle closed fridge and leaned on a kitchen counter. She wanted to see him, that’s why she hadn’t answered him yet. But she couldn’t go, and that’s why she should have answered him. 

A knock at the door pulled her back to the reality. Anna could hear giggles behind her door. She sighed and came to let the visitors in.

“Do you know that you don’t have to check on me every day?” she asked helping girls with their bags. She could smell Chinese takeaways and got a glimpse of her favourite chocolate dessert in one of the bags.

“Who’s checking?” Jo frowned a little. “It’s Thursday! And Thursdays are for the girls!”

Allie giggled, shrugging out of her light coat.

“Yeah, right, how could I forget,” Anna rolled her eyes, taking food to her tiny kitchen.

“Can you believe this weather?” Allie whined, following her. “It’s been pouring the whole day! We thought we won’t be able to get to you through all this traffic and water.”

“I think I totally ruined my purple boots,” said Anna with a sad smile.

“With silver plaques?” Jo gasped. Anna only nodded. “No way, Belle!”

“I hope they will dry off. But they’ve never been in such rain,” Anna shrugged. “Hope they’ll be okay.”

“They totally would!” Allie reassured her, rubbing her back lightly. “So, what are we watching?”

Anna smiled knowingly. That phrase always led to at least half an hour of bickering about what film to watch. She never took part in this, being happy with any crap they settle on. The only thing she needed from Thursday nights was time with her girls. 

Some time later they settled on her sofa, plates with Chinese all around mixed with snacks and desserts. Jo insisted on opening wine, and now they laughed at another stupid situation Bridget Jones got into, all well fed and slightly tipsy. 

At some point Jo looked at Anna quizzically, like she wanted to ask something, but refrained. Anna decided she was too lazy to ask, knowing well enough that Jo could never keep anything to herself for long. And as a confirmation, couple minutes later Jo uttered, “Listen, Belle, we didn’t want to ask on Saturday, but,” she stopped in search for better words, “you never really said anything about that meeting with the doctor.”

Anna looked back on the TV screen, then shrugged. “It was okay,” she said, not really knowing, what she could say about it.

“What’s his name again?” Allie asked all of a sudden.

“Calum,” Anna said, feeling the same stab inside her chest at the sound of his name. “We had some coffee and walked around the city for couple of hours. Talked,” she sighed. “I had to get ready to leave to my parents so he walked me home. We hugged. That’s pretty much everything.”

She felt Allie looking at her in slight disbelief, saw Jo raising her left eyebrow. They didn’t say anything though. Anna knew they wanted, desperately needed to say it all out loud. But she wasn’t ready to hear it and she was so grateful they understood.

Though, couple minutes later Allie muttered, “So everything went fine, right? Do you feel better now?”

Anna smiled, moved closer to Allie and rested her head on her friend’s shoulder. “Yeah, much better,” she agreed. “I’m glad I had a chance to apologise.”

Allie hummed in conciliation and for some time the living room was silent except for the TV. 

“Belle,” Jo broke the silence once again. “What's up with you and Bryan?”

Anna sighed heavily, but kept staring at the TV. 

“Don't get me wrong, I'm not a fan of the guy, you know,” said Jo, “but you haven't said a single word to a poor lad on Saturday.”

“He deserved that,” Anna stated unapologetically. 

“What did he do?” Allie shifted next to her. Annabelle was always rather closed about her relationship with Bryan, mostly because of Jo’s reactions. But she's never been so hostile towards him as she was on Saturday. And Allie’s tone just showed that girls noticed it too. 

“Nothing unusual, to be honest,” Annabelle sighed, as she lifted her head from Allies shoulder and started talking. “He called me on Friday, like, to check on me. And then started talking about us coming back to my apartment the day after the funeral, like it wasn’t a big deal and everything was exactly like it was before, and it’s just…” she sighed again, shook her head and continued, “Don’t even know why, but it pissed me off. Like, I was really angry. Guess I just overreacted. But I… You know, everytime I think about it, I get like even angrier than I was when we actually had that fight. And so I think, maybe I haven’t overreacted? Maybe, he really acted like a moron?”

“He did,” stated Jo, stretching her arm and patting Anna’s knee. 

“Jo!” Allie, as usual, wasn’t ready to be so straightforward. 

Joe shrugged and asked, her tone is just a bit more attacking than it should have been, “What? You’d say he was right?”

“The only thing I’m saying is everybody’s shook and beaten right now,” Allie tried to defend both her and Bryan. “Everyone’s emotions are heightened and nobody can think straight. He was wrong, but I still hope you can work that situation through, Anna,” she finished, looking at Annabelle. 

Anna just shrugged, eyes on the TV screen. She had nothing to say to Allie. She didn’t know if they’d work it trough or not. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted to work through it or just wanted to stop that train of fights and mutual disappointments. She felt such tiredness all of a sudden. She was tired of Bryan, her emotions, grief, everything. 

“He called today, you know,” Anna blurted just to get rid of the awful feeling inside.

Jo looked up at her, “Bryan?”

“No,” Anna shook her head, only that moment realising, that she hadn’t heard from Bryan ever since last Saturday. “Calum, Dr. Hood. He called me today,” she explained.

She almost regretted telling girls about it, foreseeing their questions and not really wishing to give away much. But the looks on both their faces were definitely worth it.

“Why did he call you?” Allie asked, her voice significantly lower. 

“Well, basically, to ask me to go with him to a three years old’s garden party,” Annabelle giggled, seeing them puzzled to the point of questioning her sanity.

“Er, I’m sorry, but what?” ushered Jo.

Anna giggled again, picking up her glass and sipping on her wine. Her tiredness was now nothing more that a memory. 

“Well, long story short, while we were sitting in that park we met at, a little girl sneaked up on Calum. And she happened to be his patient. Well, she was a patient like years ago. But she has to visit hospital regularly, so she sees Calum often, as I understood, doesn’t really matter,” Anna shrugged, eager to finish. “And she asked him to come to her garden party. And he agreed. So he called today and asked me to go with him.”

Both Jo and Allie were looking at her with wide eyes. Both, probably, had no idea how to react.

“So, what did you answer?” Jo finally asked.

“Well, I wanted to politely reject, but he asked me to like think about it. So I promised to think,” Annabelle rolled her eyes a little. “Of course, I’m not going there.”

“And why the heck no?”

Anna almost choked on her wine. Not because the question was unexpected, she was ready to exactly that question. What she wasn’t ready for was that the question came not from Jo, but Allie.

Calming her breath down, Anna looked at her friend. She knew Allie since their first year in the nursery school. How come Allie still could surprise her?

“Come on, Allie! I don’t even know these people. How can I come to their house to their little daughter’s party?” Anna said with a rather awkward laugh. It was so obvious to her. And the fact that it wasn’t obvious to Allie made Anna uneasy.

“I don’t think you should worry about it,” Allie shrugged nonchalantly. “From what I’ve heard from you Dr. Hood seems to be thoughtful and sensible person. I don’t think he would ask you to come if he wasn’t completely sure it’s okay for you to go.”

Anna kept looking at her friend in disbelief, silence fall over them again. She felt Jo’s intense gaze moving from her to Allie and back. 

“I just-” started Anna, shaking her head a little, not even sure what she wanted to say. “I don’t think I’m ready for parties, anyway, so-”

“Belle, you’ve said it’s a three years old’s garden party. Not like he asked you out to a rock show,” snorted Jo, obviously amused by Anna’s reasoning. 

Allie nodded in agreement. “You’ve got really no reason to decline, Anna,” she hesitated, but then finished, “unless you don’t want to go.”

Anna spared her friends a bit exasperated look and turned her attention to the TV screen, sliding down on the sofa. But really. Did she want to go there?

***

Something was vibrating next to her. That was the first though her sleepy brain registered. 

“Hello?” Anna answered her phone automatically, even before she realised it was her phone vibrating.

“Shit, did I wake you?” his voice was raspy and guilty.

“Yeah, you did,” she admitted, opened her eyes and tried to focus on the alarmclock on her bedside table.

“I’m sorry, Anna. Shit, I’m really sorry. Just go back to sleep,” he hastily said. “I’ll just call you back. Or you call me, when you’ll have time.”

Anna sighed. “Bryan, I’m already awake. No need for anybody to call back.”

Awkward silence followed her words.

“I’m sorry,” Bryan repeated after couple moments.

Anna sat up in bed, bright blue sky behind her window promising a perfect day. 

“You’ve already said it. It’s okay, my alarm clock was…”

“No, I mean, I’m sorry for last Friday,” Bryan said with a hard sigh. “I’m sorry for not being able to truly understand what you’re going through. I’m sorry for neglecting your feelings and not thinking before I say some shit. And I’m sorry for not being there with you.”

“Bryan,” mumbled Anna, but couldn’t finish, taken aback by his words. “It’s not your fault you’re not here,” she breathed out finally. “I know you would be if you could. And I shouldn’t have snapped at you so harsh. I’m sorry too.”

She heard him breathing heavily. “You had all the right to be angry with me. I’m kinda surprised you haven’t broken up with me yet. Though, I’m also really happy you haven’t.”

“Bryan…” but she didn’t have any words. Only the feeling of tears coming closer to the surface. 

“The last year was pretty tough for us, huh?”

She still didn’t have an answer. All Anna could do was just listen to him.

“I know you said you don’t want me to transfer…”

“You would lose your scholarship, Bryan, it’s not an option!”

“Yeah, but I want you to know,” he swallowed and Anna almost felt in her bones, how difficult for him was to have this talk, “you just say a word, just one word, Anna, and i’ll transfer the very day. Because, honestly, baby, you’re the most important in my life.”

“I know that, Bryan,” she said and wiped away a tear.

“Good. Cause I love you, Annabelle.”

And that was the moment. The perfect moment for her to say it back, but even before she got to think if she could say it back, he was already continuing, not waiting for her, not giving her a chance. He knew she wouldn’t say it back. He knew she didn’t feel it back. He knew everything. “I wish you have a good day. And I guess I’ll call you tomorrow, yeah?”

“Of course, Bryan,” she forced a smile, not bothering to think that he wouldn’t see it anyway.

***

Taxi rushed through the Saturday afternoon traffic. Anna turned to look out of the window every now and then, tried to follow the route to remember to what part of the city they were going. But her eyes always went back to the man on her left. She couldn’t help it and she didn’t have much of control over it. She knew she was staring, not very obvious for she rarely looked at his face, but she still was staring. And frankly, she really enjoyed it. 

He looked funnily ginormous being squeezed in the backseat of a taxi. She didn’t reckon other men looking so big for a taxi, but he did. And it made her hide her smile. He kept his hand on his lap, some parcel in a bright pink wrapping paper in them. He held it carefully, like it was not just important but fragile. Did he hold everything like that? Just because of how strong he was and how easily he could break things? Anna thought he should have been really strong with those arms of his. She threw another sneaky look at his tattoos being perfectly visible with his short-sleeved shirt. Did they mean anything? And if they did, then what did they mean? Could she ask?

She sighed heavily from all of questions rushing through her mind and lifted her head a little higher just to be met with his eyes. He smiled reassuringly, she smiled back, her cheeks heating up from the realisation she got caught staring at him. Anna turned to the window again and rolled her eyes. Did she really agree on this just to gawk at him like she’d never seen attractive guys before? What a moron she was!

She tried to concentrate on the buildings they were passing, but she could hardly recognize any of them at that point. Not more than a couple minutes later the taxi stopped in front of a fancy building, which was very interesting but could hardly be a family house. She looked at Calum with a question in his eyes, but he didn’t look at her anymore, busy with paying to a driver. She waited for him to gesture her to the door and got out of the car. 

“They live couple blocks from here,” Calum explained, pointing further up the street. “I just thought we could walk a little before. If you don’t mind, of course.”

“No, it’s totally fine,” she smiled, yet a little frown still on her face. 

“So,” Calum started a minute or so later, “I’m really glad you agreed to come.”

She smiled with a huff. Good manners required her to say she was glad too. But truth to be told, she didn’t know if she was glad. So she just smiled back at him in hopes he didn’t get it wrong.

“But I would lie if I say I wasn’t surprised when I got your text yesterday,” he smiled too. “You sounded pretty adamant with all that  _ thank you,but _ when I first called you.”

She shrugged shyly. “I always sound adamant, it a habit of mine,” she stated jokingly.

Calum snorted. “What made you agree, though?”

Annabelle sighed, then looked at him, then shrugged. “Don’t even know really. Guess I just agreed.”

She saw him nod to that strange explanation. 

“Though you were right,” she added, “I did have nothing better to do today, so…”

They walked for couple minutes in silence, when Anna felt the awkward need to say something. 

“What’s in there?” she asked, pointing at the present in his left hand.

“Oh, it’s a book for Aubrie. I saw it in a shop the other day and thought she would like it.”

“Can she read?” Anna frowned. From what she knew about kids three was too early to be able to read. 

Calum snorted. “Probably, no. But there are a lot of pictures in that book and she’ll definitely make Laura read it to her. It’s about human body and different organs, lots of colorful pictures. Nothing naturalistic but pretty accurate for a kid’s book. She’s gonna love it.”

Anna smiled, looking at his face brightening up while he was speaking about Abrie. Still she couldn’t help but think what an odd present it was for a girl he was calling princess. Sure, he was a surgeon, but still, this present was very strange. 

“I didn’t want to ask in a taxi. How are you?”

She tilted her head a little, like she wanted to look at him, but changed her mind.

He sighed, “And, please, don’t say you’re fine, you’re obviously not. So… how are you really doing?”

Annabelle finally looked at him, eyes full of surprise. He looked back, his sight serious and soothing. He slowed down, still looking at her, she adjusted to his speed.

“How do you know I’m not fine?” she asked him back instead of actually answering. 

Calum shrugged, “It’s natural, isn’t it? Not to be fine after what you’ve been through.”

He put his hand on a small of her back and motioned her towards the house on the right.

“Unless you’re a sociopath who tortures little kittens in her basement at night,” he continued, opening a fence for her and letting her walk up to the house. “Are you a sociopath, Anna?”

She laughed, surprising herself with such reaction. “No, I’m not,” she answered, looking back at him. 

“Good,” Calum smirked and pressed a doorbell.

The door opened the very next moment, as if Aubrie’s mother waited right behind it. 

“Hello, Calum!” Laura, if Anna remembered correctly, smiled brightly at her daughter’s ex-doctor. “I’m glad you’re both finally here, she’s been asking about you every two minutes for the last three hours,” with that she rolled her eyes and let Calum peck her on the cheek, before turning her full attention to Anna. “And it’s so wonderful to see you again, Anna. Please, come inside!” 

She moved a little back to give them space. Anna followed Calum, a little shaken by the warm welcome. She expected Laura to be at least surprised with Anna accompanying Calum. But it looked like she knew Anna was to come. 

They were walked into a big living room, photos of little Aubrie on practically every surface in the room. About five more adults sitting on the sofa or standing near the fireplace.Glass doors on the opposite side of the room showing rather big for New York backyard with a bunch of kids running and yelling, happiness all over their faces. 

“And you must be, Anna! It’s really nice to meet you!” Anna was pulled out of her thoughts by a strong man’s hand shaking hers. She smiled at the man she heard Calum referred to as David and put on her best smile. “Thank you for letting me come,” she said letting go of his hand. Thick curls left no doubts about him being Aubrie’s father. He wanted to say something in return, but was interrupted by his little girl running towards them.

“Doctah Cawum!” she yelled, practically jumping into his arms. Calum chuckled and hugged her. “I thought you nevah come!” she added, pouting in his neck.

“How could I miss your party, princess? But sorry for making you wait,” he said and put her back down. 

She immediately started pulling on his arm with all the strength her little body provided. “Let’s go to the garden! I have  _ tea _ !”

Calum laughed at her eagerness. “Give me a minute, princess, I need to have a word with your Mum and Dad. But my friend Anna,” he looked at Annabelle, “will keep you company for me, okay?”

“Sweet!” squealed little girl, let go of Calum’s hand and grabbed on Anna’s instead. “Let’s go!”

Anna threw another look at Calum, but he just smirked and winked at her, so she let Aubrie pull her towards the glass doors. Other kids in the garden were too busy playing some kind of a chasing game, so nobody spared them another glance.

“Sit here,” Aubrie pointed to the little pink chair at the head of a pink table served for a tea party. “You’re a guest of honor,” she added, taking up a teapot, which looked pretty heavy for a three years old girl.

“Thank you,’ smiled Anna. “Maybe you need some help with that?”

But Aubrie was already pouring some beverage looking like an iced tea without ice in two cups. As soon as she finished with that and put a teapot back on its place, she moved one of the cups to Anna, sat on the closest to her chair and looked at her guest of honor with her big bright eyes. 

Anna felt awkward again and decided to play along. She took a sip from her tiny cup (definitely an iced tea) and smiled. “That’s the best tea I’ve ever tried in my life!” she announced making Aubrie giggle. Though little girl didn’t even look at her own cup, eyes stuck on Anna.

“You’re so pretty! I like your hair!” she mumbled after a minute of mindless gawkin.

“And I like your curls,” Anna laughed but then pouted playfully, “My hair is wavy, but I can’t have curls.” 

“They’re like sun!” Aubrie couldn’t hold back and grabbed carefully on several Anna’s locks. “We’re gonna be best friends with you!” she said, playing with Anna’s hair. 

Anna felt her smile drop at such simple-minded act of child’s affection. “Really?” she muttered before she could stop herself. 

Aubrie nodded, letting go of her hair. “You’re Cawum’s friend and Cawum is my bestest friend evah. You and I are friend now,” Aubrie nodded again and smiled at Anna, showing she lacked couple of teeth. “And you’re pretty.”

Anna laughed, “Not as pretty as you, princess Aubrie!”

At this Aubrie’s smile shone even brighter. “What’s your favourite color?” she asked, starting playing with her own curls.

“Er… light blue, I think,” Anna uttered, not sure she’d ever thought about her favourite color. “Like the sky in the morning,” she explained as Aubrie knitted her brows. 

“That’s a pretty color,” little girl nodded seriously and stood up to pour Anna some more tea.

“How come you’re friends with Calum?” Annabelle asked, watching Aubrie’s manipulations. She knew the story from him, but she wanted this simple-minded little girl explain it. 

“He fixed my heart when I was small. My Mama say my heart didn’t wanna work, but Cawum helped it and now it work,” Aubrie sat back on her place and started swinging her legs. “When I’m big I gonna help hearts too just like Cawum,” she shared in a quiet voice.

And all of a sudden Anna felt it again, the dam inside her crashing down and all the tears reaching to her eyes. She threw her head back and squeezed the bridge of her nose in an attempt to stop it.

“Are you okay?” Aubrie asked, looking at her new friend nervously. 

“Yeah, princess, just got something in my eye,” Anna smiled again, sniffing. The present Calum had chosen for Aubrie now seemed the most natural thing in the world. 

“I can ask Daddy look. Daddy always help me when I get something in my eye,” Aubrie uttered, ready to set in motion at Anna’s first word.

“You’re a very kind girl, princess Aubrie, but I’m alright now.”

“You are a doctah too?” Aubrie asked, changing topics with a mindblowing speed. 

“No,” Anna shook her head, “I’m at college. I study history of art.”

“Art?” Aubrie frowned, obviously not really getting what was there to study.

“Yeah, beautiful pictures and sculptures people made in the past and we can now see in museums,” Anna tried to explain.

“Beautiful like you?” asked Aubrie, still struggling to understand, and made Anna laugh loudly. 

“No, much more beautiful. Like you,” she said when she’d calmed down.

Aubrie’s eyes lit up at those words. 

“What are y’all talking about?” sounded over their heads. Annabelle looked up and had to squint, Calum standing with the sun right behind his back, his skin glowing in the soft afternoon light.

“Anna is my friend now!” Aubrie exclaimed happily and giggled again. 

“What a wonderful news!” Calum smiled, putting a plate with a slice of cake on a table in front of Anna and kneeling next to Aubrie. “But what about a present from your old friend?” he asked and handed her present out. 

“For me?” she mumbled not really believing him. 

“Of course, princess,” Calum chuckled.

Aubrie squiled, grabbed a parcel and started tearing the wrapping paper with her little hands. The moment she understood what was inside, she squiled again and hung around Calum’s neck. “This is the best present evah!” she told him.

“Read this book and we’ll start your surgeon training,” Calum promised her, which made her jump up to her feed and rush back to the house, yelling, “I need to tell Mama!”

Calum grinned, looking at over excited girl disappear inside the house. He then looked at the chair she was sitting it, considering the idea of sitting down on it, but then just pushed it aside and sat on the grass, his careful eyes now at Anna.

“So you’re friends now?” he mocked her. 

“Apparently, I have pretty hair and decent choice of favourite color, so I guess, we’re friends now,” she said with a very serious expression, which made Calum chuckle again. 

“Eat your cake,” he ushered her.

Anna smiled, looking down. “Right, the supposedly tastiest banana cake in the world!”

“One and only,” Calum nodded.

“So tell me,” Anna looked back at him with a mischievous smile on her lips, “what if I won’t be able to confirm its superiority?”

“Then, pray, keep it to yourself,” Calum rolled his eyes and looked at kids still running around. 

Anna giggled, but picked up a fork and tried her cake. She chewed, swallowed and felt Calum’s expectant gaze on her. 

“So?” he asked not ready to wait any longer.

“I guess, I’ll keep silence,” she teased him with an overdramatic sigh.

“Come on!” whined Calum, and Anna bursted out laughing. 

“Olay, okay, fine! It is the tastiest banana cake in the world,” she admitted. 

Calum smirked but didn’t say anything. 

“Calum?” Anna asked halfway through her cake.

“Hm?” he looked at her.

“Why Laura and David weren’t surprised to see me with you?” 

“Because I asked them beforehands if it was okay to bring you along,” Calum explained with a soft smile.

Anna nodded, looking at her cake. 

“That’s very thoughtful of you,” she noted. 

He smiled widely again, “I’m a thoughtful guy.”

Anna snorted, finishing her cake. “Well, thank you for bringing me here. And answering your earlier question, I’m nowhere near fine. But, you know, today I feel like I can be fine again one day. So, thank you for that.”

He looked at her seriously and Anna felt surprised again with the lack of pity in his eyes. He knew everything she’s been through, saw her at her worst, but still didn’t feel pity for her. And it felt so good. 

He stood abruptly, dropped her, “Hold on a minute,” and ushered back inside the house. But before Anna could form her bewilderment into a coherent question, he was back again, another slice of cake in his hands.  

“I take it you just need another one,” he explained, settling back down next to her.

“Calum, no, I’m full,” Anna tried to protest, but got a glare from him. 

“Doctor’s order,” he snapped with a hint of a smirk. 

Anna sighed, “Only if you share with me,” she said giving him her fork. 

“That I can do,” he smiled again and took a piece of her cake. 

The wind blow came, lifting Anna’s hair all around her and making everything around a little bit golden. Kids’ laughter filled up the air and the sweet taste of banana cake lingered on her tongue. She felt the sun warmth on her shoulders, one on her most favourite feelings in the world. Annabelle smiled sincerely, feeling the hole in her chest growing an inch smaller. 

“She was right, though,” murmured Calum, handing her a fork.

“Who?” Anna asked a little confused.

“Aubrie,” said Calum, lowering his head on his knees and looking at her studiously. “You do have pretty hair,” he stated, and suddenly Anna forgot all about the hole in her chest. 

The only thing she could suddenly think about were his eyes. She just wanted to stay here forever, feeling the sun on her shoulders and staring into his deep dark eyes. Cause really, what a wonderful way to spend the rest of her life.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Annabelle was rushing through the streets of New York, being unusually late. Cloudy weather of early October left her in a gloomy state of mind, and she was wincing every time chilly wind hit her. Her mood was jumpy and it seemed like anything could set her off, from her not warm enough jacket to the slowly passing people. The relief she felt when could finally see the bar entrance was almost ridiculous. 

The warmth enveloped her as she came inside, making her tense muscles relax a bit. It wasn’t difficult to see her friends, they’d occupied the biggest table at a corner. Jo was sitting opposite Bryan, who came to town for the weekend, and judging by their expressions, her best friend and her boyfriend were at each other’s throats again. Allie was sitting with her face to the entrance, Max, who also decided to come from Boston for a couple of days, was really close to her. They both looked like they were trying to be as far from the arguing couple as possible, still staying at the same table with them. And Annabelle couldn’t blame them for that, she knew how Jo and Bryan had no control in insulting each other. For a mere second Anna had the terrible thought of just stepping back out to the chilly evening street, and text them she can’t make it because of some lame excuse and free herself from dealing with them. But the next moment Allie’s face lit up with a smile, as she noticed Anna. Annabelle smiled back and started to make her way to their table.

“Hey, guys, sorry, I’m so late,” she said, sitting down next to Bryan and shrugging off her jacket. She let Bryan peck her cheek with a muffled  _ Hey, baby _ and smiled to Max. 

“I thought your classes end early on Friday,” said Jo, sipping on her drink. 

“Yeah, they do. I was in the studio and, honestly, just lost track of time,” Anna explained and turned to Bryan. “Could you get me a drink, please?”

As Bryan nodded and stood up, Anna looked at Jo and almost whispered, “Stop!”

Jo only gave her an exasperated look, trying to play innocent. Anna shook her head.  

“Even Allie and Max were trying to teleport from here when I came,” she noted with a chuckle, making an attempt to prove her point. She saw Allie snort and move a little from Max, like she was finally relaxing with Anna at the table.

“So, how’s Boston, Max?” she asked her cousin, determined to change both the topic and mood.

Max shrugged, taking a sip from his glass. “Not very interesting, to be honest. Sure, the vibe is different and practically every city around is a historical heritage. But, apart from that, nothing much.”

“What are you talking about?” Bryan came back with a cocktail for Anna and another beer for himself.

“Just look at you little kids with fake ID’s,” murmured Jo, looking at Anna with a wicked smile. She was the only one legally drinking from their group, and she liked mocking them about it every now and then. Though today’s remark had much more venom in it than usual.

“Max was telling about Boston,” said Anna, giving Jo another look.

“Yeah, right! College! Feel the freedom?” asked Bryan, actively ignoring Anna’s older friend.

Max shrugged again. “The only thing I really feel so far is Maths,” he let out a humourless laugh.

Anna downed almost half of her cocktail in one go. “What, so bad?”

“You can’t even imagine. I thought I was studying engineering, but no, Maths, day in, day out. Remember how at school I used to say Maths is the easiest subject?”

“Still hate you for that,” chuckled Anna. 

“I’m in a hate club too,” Allie raised her drink and they clinked glasses with Anna jokingly.

Max laughed at them, “Well, you both will be happy to know that now I understand half of what my professors say at best.”

“Oh, that’s absolutely normal,” stated Allie, turning to Max, “I understand only half of what my professors say everytime they speak. Even if they just greet the audience.”

Jo snorted to that and Anna giggled.

“Thank you, Allie, now I feel much better!”

Allie shoved his side lightly and muttered, “Any time.” Anna smiled in her glass, being strangely glad of how well her friends got on with her favourite cousin. Allie and Bryan did know Max for a long time, as he and Anna were always really close. But being even one year apart at school made them rather distant with different friends groups. Now, them all studying apart, it didn't really matter anymore and somehow drew them all even closer.

Anna was just sitting there, sipping on her drink and thinking about all of this and nothing at the same time, when she felt the mood tense again. It all started with Allie glancing behind Anna’s back, at the bar entrance, and freezing for a moment. She looked at Anna quickly with round eyes. And then there were those words Bryan ushered, being already slightly drunk, “Fuck Maths, Max. What about Boston girls? Have you found some hottie yet?”

Max almost choked on his beer at the question, his eyes dart nervously to Allie. Of course, he’d be nervous, Anna assumed, discussing such a topic in front of his cousin and her two girlfriends.

Anna used the awkward moment to look back and see what was so surprising for Allie. She saw him momentarily, like there was some kind of a magnet, getting her eyesight set at him. He was with two friends, one of them she remembered from the hospital. They stopped at the side counter, as all the tables were already occupied. He looked tired, but relaxed, laughed at some jokes and looked unfairly good in his black leather jacket. And he didn’t notice her yet. 

Annabelle turned her attention back to her friends, throwing meaningful look at Allie, while Max was rambling something about “Seriously, I don’t have any time for that, Bryan,” and “Not like I was so much interested right now.”

Jo chuckled and didn’t even try to hold back, “Starting a chick convo in front of your girlfriend, Bryan? Congrats on reaching the first class dickhead level.”

Bryan scoffed and calmly, in a very unusual for him manner, looked at Jo. “Tell me something, Jo. If I’m so much of a dickhead, then why does you friend love me?”

Everyone froze. Jo smiled like a cougar smelling blood, Allie was glancing from Bryan to Anna and back, and Max was just staring at his beer, trying to pay as little attention to what was going on at their table as possible. 

Anna sighed, knowing well what everybody was thinking, and then she felt it. Slight itching between her shoulder blades. She looked at the bar and saw Calum looking straight at her. She nodded at him, finished her drink and said, “You know what? Right now I don’t love any of you, you piss me off so much. Gonna go get a refill.”

With that she stood up and made her way to the bar. 

“So you don’t sleep, but you drink?” she smiled at Calum.

He made a gulp of his beer and smiled too, “Occasionally. You’re here with your friends?”

“Yeah, my cousin came back from college for the weekend, so we’re like catching up,” Anna nodded, turning to the bartender to ask for another cocktail. She deliberately told him only about Max coming, not a word about Bryan. Was it bad? Should she feel guilty about it? She dismissed the idea, she knew well enough Calum had no interest in whether she had a boyfriend or not.

“You here with friends too?” she asked only to get herself from thinking, why Calum couldn’t care if she had a boyfriend.

“Yeah, we all had a shift today, and that’s a rare occasion, so we decided to use a free night. We’re waiting for some other friends of ours to join,” he answered, half a smile lingering on his lips. Anna nodded again, feeling suddenly lost for words. What do you say to your late brother’s surgeon, who you’d shared three quite intimate moments with, when you accidentally meet him at a bar? While she was rushing through her mind in a search for her next reply, Calum shocked her once again, “Wanna hang out with us?”

Anna looked at him with eyes wide open in surprise. “I- I can’t just ditch my friends, Calum,” she blurted. “But thanks for the offer, in any other situation I would love to join,” she added with all honesty. Because, she realised that very moment, she wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of the evening with him. Friends or no friends.

“They can join too,” Calum shrugged nonchalantly, dropping one crazy idea after another. 

Annabelle looked back at her friends. Jo was talking to Allie and Max, all three of them successfully ignoring Anna, but Bryan’s wary eyes didn’t leave her back for a moment. 

“Don’t think it’s a good idea, but thanks for offering again,” she mused. “How’s Aubrie doing?”

Calum’s smile got significantly bigger at the reminder of the little girl. “She’s fine. Finished the book I’ve given her, learned all the organ’s names and can’t wait to start learning to be a surgeon,” he chuckled.

“That’s cute,” Anna smiled.

“I’m only afraid she’s gonna be disappointed that surgeons can’t operate in a ballet tutu and pirouette in pauses.”

“Can’t they?” Anna gasped in fake surprise.

“Nope, that’s totally against the rules.”

“What a shame!”

“One of the things I hate about my work,” Calum laughed.

Anna paid for her drink, being put on the counter in front of her, and turned back to Calum.

“I’m sure you’d look great in a ballet tutu, “ she said and he snorted. “Have to get back to my friends, I guess. Was nice bumping into you though.”

“My pleasure,” he said and moved a little forward to hug her. But Anna, feeling Bryan’s eyes burn a hole in her back, moved away a little, like she didn’t notice Calum’s motion and left him with muffled “Have a good night, Calum.”

The reaction when she came back to their table was just what she expected it to be. Max was acting oblivious, Jo and Allie looking at her carefully and Bryan jumped at her with questions, “Who’s that guy?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Anna tried to act it cool, while putting her glass on the table and sitting down. She knew she was cheating herself and Bryan won’t let it go so easily, but it was worth a try. 

“Yeah, that does matter,” pushed Bryan.

“That’s Grayson’s surgeon,” she explained, not looking at him. 

Bryan choked on his beer. “Grayson as your-?”

“Yes, Bryan, my brother. Now can we leave it, please?”

But her mood was now even worse than when she’d come. She was pretending to listen to Allie’s talking about her hilarious new professor and smiled when everybody was laughing. She tried not to notice how firm was Bryan’s grip on her thigh, or how uncomfortable she felt when he put his arm around her waist and buried his face in her neck. She was wondering why couldn’t she just ask him to stop, and assured herselt, that wasn’t because Calum’s arm had been around some girls shoulders for the last half an hour. And her awful mood wasn’t the reaction to the crickles around his eyes he got everytime he laughed at something that girl said. And she needed to remind herself he could do whatever he wanted when she saw him bend down a little and kiss that girl. She didn’t care. She couldn’t care. Not when she was almost drunk and her boyfriend started kissing her neck. She just couldn’t honestly care less. 

***

“I swear I’m never gonna drink again,” Anna whined, holding on to the sink and trying to talk herself into at least brushing her teeth.

Bryan, freshly showered and standing right behind her, chuckled.

“You didn’t even drink that much yesterday,” he reminded.

“Obviously, that was enough,” Anna groaned. She opened the tap and picked her toothbrush, praying that this simple act of hygiene wouldn’t make her feel sicker. 

“Finish with that and I’ll make you breakfast,” with that Bryan left the bathroom. Anna winced at the sound of the closing door. She didn’t want breakfast. She didn’t want anything besides that awful headache and nausea to disappear. 

She finished with her morning routine and crawled to her tiny kitchen to the sound of Bryan humming some catchy pop song. She nothing but fell on the chair and held her head in her hands. Couple minutes later a cup of coffee appeared in front of her. She moaned and winced once again.

“Come on, Anna. I know you don’t want to but it’ll make you feel better,” Bryan told her, turning back to the stove he was making an omelette on. “Not the first your hangover I’ve been dealing with.”

Anna made a face, but took a little sip of her coffee. After all Bryan was right, he knew what he was doing.

“I know I’ve said it before, but, honestly, how can you be friends with Jo? Still takes me by surprise, she’s such a bitch,” he started after putting plates with breakfast on the counter. 

“Don’t start, please,” mumbled Anna, fighting back another wave of sickness.

“She may be good to you, but you have to admit, she’s awful to everybody else,” Bryan happily chewed his omelette, crunchy pieces of bacon on the side of his plate. His own coffee mug was half empty already.

“I don’t wanna talk about Jo,” snapped Anna. “It’ll end with us fighting and I don’t wanna fight. Especially with that headache.”

“Sorry. Don’t wanna fight either,” agreed Bryan.

For some time they kept eating breakfast in silence, until Bryan decided to discuss another person from the previous night.

“So you and that doctor, huh?”

Annabelle rose her eyes at him, not fully understanding where he was going with that. 

“What do you mean, me and that doctor?” she asked when understood Bryan wasn’t about to add anything else.

“You two seemed like on pretty good terms,” he shrugged, trying to act indifferent. Anna only shrugged to that. Even if she wanted to explain it to Bryan, where could she possibly start from? “Are you friends now?”

She heard it in an undertones of his voice and in the words he didn’t pronounce. He wasn’t jealous yet, but he was suspicious. 

“We’re not friends, Bryan,” she shook her head and immediately winced at the strong pain it caused. “He tried his hardest to save my brother’s life. Least I can do is be polite and friendly to him.”

Bryan huffed to that, putting his plate to the sink. 

“How do you know he tried his hardest?” he said then.

Anna could just look at him, utterly lost for words.

“What-” she started, but her voice cracked. She tried again, voice low, “What are you saying now? That he let my brother die on purpose?”

“I’m not saying anything, Anna,” Bryan scrunched his face in mild annoyance. “Nothing like this, at least. It just seemed weird, ‘s all.”

“For fuck’s sake, Bryan!” Anna moaned, focusing back on her coffee. 

He walked around the counter and hugged her from behind, hiding his face in her hair. “Gonna miss you like hell,” he whispered making her hair move unpleasantly against her neck.

Anna wanted him to stop, wanted to ask him not to touch her, wanted to free from his grip. She did want it. Instead she mumbled “Yeah, me too,” just like she was supposed too. 

“I’ll come for the Halloween next time,” he said, not letting go of her. “Wanna have a date? Just the two of us. Can do costumes if you want.”

“Date sounds fun,” she whispered back, feeling her nausea getting stronger. “No costumes though, just a date.”

“Whatever you say, baby.”

And then he kissed her neck. The next moment she was jumping off her chair and running to the bathroom, her body obviously choosing throwing up over kissing. She heard Bryan giggle behind her. She was adamant she was never gonna drink again.

***

The week started awfully. Nothing really happened, yet Anna felt horrible.

It was raining almost every day. She was crying herself to sleep almost every night. She couldn’t tell anymore why was she crying. It became her sick habit. And it wasn’t such a bad habit really, at least she felt a little better after tears. Like all her sadness was slowly leaving her. Too slowly though. How many more nights did she need before she finally starts feeling herself again?

She stayed in the studio practically every day after lessons. Once been seen by her theory of art professor, questioning her if she wanted to change her major and complementing on her painting skills. Anna smiled and thanked him in all the right moments, not really understanding what was he complimenting her on. It was just another picture of a stormy sky. She’s been painting them since the beginning of fall. Rain clouds, grey, navy blue, purple.

If she wasn’t in the art studio, Anna stayed at home, drawing in her numerous sketchbooks. But sketches started to irritate her, cause no matter what she started to draw, she ended up mindlessly doodling his dark eyes with crinkles around them, appearing every time he was smiling. And then she remembered the last time she saw those crinkles and what he was doing. She tried not to think about it, but failed each time. Was it his girlfriend? An fwb? Just a one night stand? And why, for the thousandth time, why did it matter?

Anna sighed and tried to focus on her lecture, her hand doodling eyes again. Anna put her pencil away and leaned back on her chair to concentrate on what her professor was currently saying. But, obviously, all her attempts were in vain today, as her phone vibrated shortly, signaling of the incoming message. She decided not to check, cause that was probably Jo, who never cared if Anna was in class or not. Allie was more considerate and, as she seemed to memorize all their timetables, never disturbed Anna during her classes. She talked to Max only in the evenings. And she facetimed with Bryan in the morning, so there was no reason he would text her now. It was definitely Jo. Which meant it could wait till the break. She wiggled on her place, looked at her bag laying near with her phone inside. What if it wasn’t from Jo? 

She fished her phone out of her bag and unblocked it, being careful not to get caught. The message was from Jo, asking on their group chat with Allie if they were getting together at her place or Anna’s, as it was Thursday. Anna huffed in disappointment and switched off the screen, leaving Jo’s message without reply. She was about to put her phone back, but something stopped her, making her stare at the black device. A revolutionary idea blowing up in her mind. She could just text him. Instead of sitting here and miserably waiting for a goddamn miracle, she could just text him. 

Not giving herself a second to change her mind, Anna unblocked her phone again and opened her chat with Calum. He fingers lingered over the keyboard. What was she to say? Awkwardly ask him, how he was? Or start boldly with asking if the girl he was basically sucking on in a bar on Friday was his girlfriend? No matter how diligently she was lying to herself, she knew that was exactly what didn’t let her live. Anna sighed heavily and switched off her phone. Then switched it on again and typed  _ Wanna grab a coffee? _ before her brain even thought of stopping her. She pressed  _ Send  _ and left her phone on her thigh, waiting for the reply. 

She didn’t have to wait for long, he answered in couple minutes. Yet those two minutes felt like an eternity for Anna.

_ Sure. Right now? _

_ Not on a shift? I’m finishing with my classes in two hours. _

_ Nah, free today. Where do we meet? _

Anna looked up at her professor again, like she was listening to him, but in reality just thinking on her answer. In contrast to the last four days the sky was clear from the early morning, pavements drying out and the sun shining really warm for a beginning of October. It would be such a shame to waste this day inside.

_ What do you say if we get coffee from a coffee shop near my college and then just walk? The weather seems good and there’s a park nearby. _

_ Deal. Mind if I bring a friend?  _

Anna frowned. He wanted to bring a friend? She rolled her eyes and cursed the moment she decided to text him. What a fool she was! But she knew she couldn’t bail. Not now.

_ Sure. The more the merrier, right? _

_ :) text me the address, i’ll see you in two hours.  _

When she was leaving the auditorium, she almost bumped in her professor, so distracted she was. She had only one more lecture to survive, but even that sounded practically impossible. 

Who was he about to bring? That other doctor she saw him with? Maybe they were together when she texted? What other reason could Calum have to bring him along? Assuming of course, he wasn’t brining anybody else. And though the possibilities were endless, Anna tried her best not to dwell on them. Yet her attempts were pretty worthless. So by the end of her last class she was nervous to the point of shaking knees and hands. She deliberately loitered while packing her stuff and was the last to leave the auditorium. She stopped for the moment to ask a girl she knew for pictures of her conspect, and spend some time taking them. She chose the longest way up to the coffee shop. She couldn’t help it. She wanted to see him. But she was scared to see who he comes with.

She turned around the corner and, of course, he was waiting for her. Same black leather jacket over a green hoodie, his phone in his left hand, him scrolling through it. And, by his right side, his friend. On a leash. 

Anna couldn’t hold back her chuckle, relief washing over her.

“So that is your friend, huh?” she asked as she came up to him. 

Calum looked up from his phone, big smile on his face. 

“That is my friend,” he confirmed, shoving his phone in his pocket and looking down on his dog. “Hope you don’t mind. I kinda promised him to spend the day together, so he’s tailing us.”

“Can I pet him?” Anna asked, looking at the pup, who was looking back at her, wiggling his tail.

“Sure, he seems in a good mood today.”

Anna was already on her knees, her bag tossed on the pavement. The dog was tiny, looked almost like a husky, but was a size of a corgi. Anna’d never seen dogs like that one, but was already in love. 

“What’s his name?” she asked, looking up at smiling Calum.

“Duke.”

“Well, hello, Duke,” she hummed, both of her hands in his fur. The pup dodged around, licked Anna’s wrist and lied down on the pavement on his back, giving her full access to his belly. Anna only laughed and started rubbing where he asked to.

“Aren’t you one shameless dog?” Calum chuckled over them, before pulling on the leash lightly. “Come on, you’ll have your fun later.”

Anna picked up her bag and stood up, mirroring Calum’s smile. 

“Capuccino?” he asked, handing her the leash and moving towards the coffee shop entrance. 

“Actually, I was dying for hot cocoa and I can pay for my…”

“Sure, you can,” he snorted, disappearing in the coffee shop.

Anna huffed and then felt something bump in her calf. She looked down at the pup, his dark eyes staring at her in the silent plea, looked back at the coffee shop and bent down, thinking she had couple of minutes she could spend on this adorable little creature. 

When Calum came out with two big cups of hot beverage in his hands, Duke was on his back again and Anna was humming some cute nonsense to him. 

“So I lost you to my dog, nice,” he joked, handing Anna her hot cocoa. 

“Can you blame me?” she handed the leash back and turned to the park she was talking about previously. 

“Guess, I can’t.”

Calum followed her and soon they were walking down an alley full of fallen leaves, which Duke happened to be a great fan off.

“I hope I didn’t ruin any plans of yours,” Anna said after some silent moments.    
“The only plan I had for today was to spend it with that rowdy,” he nodded towards Duke, jumping around another pile of yellow leaves, “and it seems, he’s having a time of his life here.”

Anna smiled to that, moving her gaze to the excited pup, and sipped on her cocoa. 

“So, college,” Calum started, looking around. Students were passing them all the time, some are smiling to Anna, knowing her from different courses or just the studio. “How far along are you?”

She choked on her drink and started coughing.

“Shit, sorry,” Calum looked really sorry, though couldn’t completely hide a mischievous smile. “Terrible doctor humour. Spend too much time among pregnant women.”

“Second year,” Anna said as soon as her breathing came to normal. “And thank you, now I have cocoa in my nose.”

“I am sorry,” Calum snorted.

Anna looked at his profile, crinkles she was sketching all week in a fine view in front of her, and suddenly her Saturday conversation with Bryan popped up in her memory. 

“Speaking about your work, can I ask you a question?” she said, her voice low. “It’s about my brother.”

She saw his face darken, brows furrowed as he took a gulp of his coffee. 

“Sure,” he said, his voice though not as confident as it was.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, I totally understand,” Anna explained hurriedly, a little scared by his reaction. “I just wondered if you could tell me what happened during the surgery. But if it’s too much, I mean, I would totally understand.”

He sighed and took another gulp. “Why do you ask?”

“I just wanna know,” Anna shrugged, not really getting what he was asking about.

“You don’t wanna know what happened,” Calum said, shaking his head and looking at Duke. “You wanna know if there was a chance,” he stated rather harsh.

“Well, yeah, probably that too,” Anna agreed easily, not offended with his reaction at all. She knew he didn’t want to talk about it. But she didn’t regret asking, cause she also knew it’s gonna stand between them until they just speak it up. And she didn’t really want anything to stand between them. 

Calum sighed again, more heavily now. “There’s always a chance, Anna,” he said. “We had major problems with the blood pressure during the whole operation,” he started explaining in a low emotionless voice. “There were problems with it before the operation, as you know, because of his condition. And that was the reason we couldn’t wait any longer. So when we finished with the heart we just weren't able to start it again. It didn’t want to bump more than once at a time, and blood pressure was falling critically. We tried to start it much longer than we should have been according to the protocoles. The heart was okay. I mean, it was tiny and stitched, but it was in normal enough condition to start. But it didn’t.”

Anna inhaled deeply, congratulating herself for keeping all the tears at bay this time. 

“There’s always a chance in the OR, Anna,” Calum continued. “But you have to understand, it’s practically never up to us, doctors. With older patients I would say it’s up to their will to live. But in my department, I don’t even know, to be honest. Blind chance? God? Have no idea.”

“Thank you,” Anna said as they kept walking down the park paths. 

“Yeah,” Calum mumbled, not looking at her. 

Duke obviously got bored of the leaves and was now just mincing in front of them.

Anna sighed. She had another question she was dying to ask, but she was so afraid to fuck his mood up even more. She threw a sly look at him and frowned. He was upset and she probably had no chance to make it worse anyway, so…

“Can I ask you one more inappropriate question?” 

He quirked his eyebrow, turning his gaze to her. 

“How much inappropriate?” he asked, careful but definitely intrigued. 

“Very,” admitted Anna with a dramatic gasp.

“Fire away,” Calum chuckled.

“Okay, so, when we went to Aubrie’s party, I obviously saw your tattoos,” she saw his eyebrow quirk more and a smile linger on his lips at her rambling, “and there is that one with a bird and a strange name, I guess, next to it. So I was wondering, was it for, like, your girlfriend or, maybe, an ex-girlfriend, or even wife, though I did notice you don’t wear a ring, but some people never do even if they are married, or-”

“Anna, relax and take a breath,” he laughed, grabbing her shoulder and making her stop both her walking and her rambling.

“I just know tattoo questions are inappropriate,” she exhaled with an apologetic smile. 

“Mali-Koa is my sister’s name,” Calum explained, smiling softly, and they started moving again, as Duke kept pulling on the leash not really interested in just standing. “The tattoo is for her.”

“Oh,” Anna nodded, not really knowing what to say to that. She rubbed her forehead, thinking how much of a fool she probably looked like. “So you have a sister?”

“Yeah, she’s older. Lives in London, she’s a singer. And her name is Maori.”

“Maori?” Anna repeated quite shocked. 

“Yeah, our Mom is Maori, Dad is from Scotland. We with Mali are pretty strange mix, really. We were born in New Zealand, but moved to Australia with our parents pretty soon, so we grew up there. Now she’s in the UK, and I’m here.”

“How did you end up here?” asked Anna, finishing her cocoa.

“Well, Mali moved to the UK and I wanted to study medicine. And there are some pretty good schools in Britain, so I moved there with some of my friends and started college there. And then there was this opportunity to enter a surgeon programme here and we applied, and here I am.”

“The doctor I saw you with at the bar is one of those friends?” Anna asked, trying not to notice blunt pain under her ribs from the memories of that night.

“Yeah, that’s Ashton. He’s a pediatric surgeon, the one that treats Aubrie now, by the way. And the other one was Luke,” he explained. Anna tried to remember the third guy Calum entered the bar that night with, but her memories were blurry. 

“Is he working with children too?” she asked, unable to remember anything about him except for him being tall. 

“Nah, he said that saving lives is too boring, so he’ll be saving beauty,” Calum chuckled, looking at Anna’s puzzled expression. “He’s a plastic surgeon.”

Anna let out an _ Oh _ and nodded.

“And answering the second part of your extremely inappropriate question, there’s no girlfriend or wife,” he added with another chuckle, looking at her cautiously.

Anna looked at her feet, sudden cough taking over her. That wasn’t her question, was it? Should she answer anything to that or play dumb? And does that mean that girl was a one night stand? And why would he decide to state that out? Does he think she’s interested? Is  _ he  _ interested? Anna almost drowned in her endless questions, when Calum’s voice brought her back to the reality.

“Can I also ask you a question?” he said, smiling so awfully pretty as he knew exactly how uncomfortable his last remark made her feel.

“An inappropriate one?” Anna smirked at him. After all, two could easily play that game.

Calum laughed, not a sign of earlier gloom from her first question on his face. 

“Okay, truth to be told, I have two questions and one of them is inappropriate, but I think it’ll be just fair,” he confirmed.

“Sure, ask away,” Anna laughed.

“I’ll start with a more appropriate one though,” Calum warned her. “That day in the hospital when your friends came to visit,” he started. Anna nodded, showing she got, what day and what visit he was referring to. “Your friend called you Belle in the hall. Is it a nickname of sorts?”

Anna smiled at the memory. “Not really. My full name is actually Annabelle,” she explained. “Most people call me Anna and I use it more often too. But Jo, my friend, she’s a photographer, that’s how we met. The first time we talked, she stated that I’m not Anna at all and Belle suits me ten thousand times better.”

“Ten thousand, huh?” Calum smiled.

“I’m literally quoting,” Anna chuckled. “So ever since that time she’s been calling me Belle.”

“Well, she’s definitely not wrong about that,” Calum admitted and winked at her.

Anna rolled her eyes. “Shut up, will you,” she laughed. “What’s your inappropriate question?”

“Right, you ready?”

“Absolutely not, but, please, ask it anyway.”

“Which out of your two inappropriate questions was the one that made you text me today?” he asked, his tone soft but serious.

Anna looked away instantly. Duke, like feeling her tension, ran up to her and started wiggling his tail, bumping into her legs every now and then.

“None,” she confessed, looking at the pup below. She wasn’t lying, right, because the question that didn’t let her live was mostly about the girl in the bar. But even that question wasn’t really the reason. And Anna prayed he wouldn’t asked about that.

“Then why did you text me?” 

Anna sighed. How could she even start to put it into words? Can’t get you out of my mind? Feel connected to you? Hooked on emotions I can’t even name but still feel next to you? It all sounded too… like she was confessing a crush. And he wasn’t a crush, that word was an understatement here but also would be too much. 

She took a deep breath. “I guess, I wanted to spend some time with the only person I feel comfortable with these days, cause you’re the only one who looks at me without any trace of pity in your eyes.”

She didn’t dare looking up at him after ushering those words. Though she heard his sharp exhale and also felt the warmth of his smile. Yet the warmth could also be from his breath on her cheek cause the next moment he enveloped his arms around her. He wasn’t saying anything, no meaningless promises of it all getting better soon. Just holding her close to his chest in his firm embrace, letting her breath in his piny smell. Duke barked at them merrily and put his front paws up on Anna’s shin, hugging her in his heartwarming dog manner. 

“You gotta stop hugging me like this out of the blue if you don’t want to set the waterwork up,” Anna mumbled against his soft hoodie.

His chest shook so wonderfully with a quiet laugh he let. “I’m totally okay with the waterwork.”

“I’m not,” Anna pouted, making him laugh again.

“Okay, okay,” he nagged jokingly, letting go of her. “But how can you cry when Duke is hugging you?” he asked, petting on his dog.

“That’s the only reason I’m still holding,” Anna snorted.

“Good job, buddy,” Calum gave Duke another rub on his back before the little pup ran after a pigeon he saw on the path.

“So,  _ Belle _ ,” Calum stressed her name and smiled widely, crinkles back on his face, “wanna go grab some lunch?”

“Sure,” Anna agreed easily, yet with devils in her eyes, “but only if you stop calling me that and let me pay for my lunch.”

“Ah, that I’m not sure I can promise,” he rolled his eyes playfully. “Guess you’ll have to check your luck,  _ Belle _ .”

Anna already opened her mouth to say back something full of sass, to show him she was not so easy to fluster, when Calum was basically dragged down the path by Duke running after the whole pack of pigeons like his life depended on it. While Calum was trying to talk some sense into his overexcited dog, Anna was left to bend down from laughing at them both. And that moment it stuck her. She couldn’t remember the last time she would laugh like that or feel so good. And then when Calum was calling on her and asking to stop mindlessly laughing and come help him, she realised she didn’t want that feeling to ever go away. 


End file.
